A friend sent a text last night, asking the above question...
Hm... work now is incredibly demanding... I have been promoted last week and the responsibility is more than double what I used to shoulder...
And right now actually I am supposed to go through a file of about 3 inches thick, which I think even if I do not sleep tonight, I still would not be able to finish the report... and I have to present the report tomorrow at 9am...
Adoi...
And about the kemelut of my life... no development just yet... next appearance in court is on 7th July where my boys (Muaz and Amin) will stand as witnesses. And judge will give his verdict on 27th July.
I will leave for umrah, insyaallah (President's Award of Special Recognition that I received for financial year 2007-2008) on 8th August and come back on 20th. I have no choice but to leave the kids under his care in that duration.
Other than that, life goes on as usual...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Aduhai...
Aduhai...
tak sanggup ku kenangkan
semua telah nyata cintamu gurauan
datang dan hilang semahu hatimu
itulah falsafah pegangan cintamu
namun harus kau ingat
hati yang manakah
selamanya kan sabar...
tak sanggup ku kenangkan
semua telah nyata cintamu gurauan
datang dan hilang semahu hatimu
itulah falsafah pegangan cintamu
namun harus kau ingat
hati yang manakah
selamanya kan sabar...
Friday, June 19, 2009
Jiwa kacau...
On the way to work this morning, I heard this song on the radio...
Oh tak mungkin
tak mungkin aku kembali
oh tak mungkin
tak mungkin ku datang lagi
cukup sudah kau menyakiti hatiku
cukup sudah kau berdusta padaku
Jangan kau datang lagi
jangan kau hirau lagi
diriku ini
tiada sakit hati
tiada arti lagi
walaupun kau sayang pada diriku...
So... I terus teringat pada si polan...
In the afternoon, I had to go back to send one of my boys (Aqim) to school because it was raining heavily (normally he walks to school), and on the way back I heard this song pulak...
Ingin aku mengulangi saat indah waktu dulu
tapi bagaimana dapatkah berulang lagi
bersamalah kita jadikan pengajaran
betapa pedihnya oh perpisahan
Mengapa di waktu ini
aku teringat kembali segala kenangan
adakah engkau pun sama masih ingat kepadaku
seolah kita tak pernah terpisah...
Hm... teringat si polan lagi...
Conclusionnya...
Tak mungkin kerana sayang
cuma terganggu oleh perasaan...
Tak mungkin kerana sayang
cuma kadang kala aku terkenang...
Hm........................
Oh tak mungkin
tak mungkin aku kembali
oh tak mungkin
tak mungkin ku datang lagi
cukup sudah kau menyakiti hatiku
cukup sudah kau berdusta padaku
Jangan kau datang lagi
jangan kau hirau lagi
diriku ini
tiada sakit hati
tiada arti lagi
walaupun kau sayang pada diriku...
So... I terus teringat pada si polan...
In the afternoon, I had to go back to send one of my boys (Aqim) to school because it was raining heavily (normally he walks to school), and on the way back I heard this song pulak...
Ingin aku mengulangi saat indah waktu dulu
tapi bagaimana dapatkah berulang lagi
bersamalah kita jadikan pengajaran
betapa pedihnya oh perpisahan
Mengapa di waktu ini
aku teringat kembali segala kenangan
adakah engkau pun sama masih ingat kepadaku
seolah kita tak pernah terpisah...
Hm... teringat si polan lagi...
Conclusionnya...
Tak mungkin kerana sayang
cuma terganggu oleh perasaan...
Tak mungkin kerana sayang
cuma kadang kala aku terkenang...
Hm........................
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Fed up...
15th of June 2009 would have been our 18th anniversary... eh, but since we're not officially divorced yet, it was our 18th anniversary...
I didn't expect anything... from him, that is... I didn't expect a wish, jauh sekali a gift...
That fateful Monday morning, I went to work as usual... keje banyak, students were expected to come to re-register on 18 June (today) , so, I was up to my nose with the preparation for that. When I opened my door (office), I noticed a brown envelope on my desk with my name and address handwritten on the front - the way it was written, it was as though the sender copied directly from my business card (because, on my business card, instead of writing my title in front of my name, my title was written under my name). The stamp was Selangor and it was stamped Shah Alam.
Since I had a lot of work to do, I just put the envelope in my in tray, I thought I'd open it later, after I finish doing some urgent things that I needed to submit to VP office that morning.
At almost lunch hour I remembered to open the envelope. The envelope had no return address, no note, no letter, no signature... just two (2) photographs... one was a photo of him and a young woman in what looked like a bus, and one was a photo of that young woman alone.
No, they weren't obscene photos. Just a photo of 2 persons (my soon-to-be-ex-hubby and a young woman) sitting next to each other on a seat in a bus... The photo was not candid or taken without their knowledge because they both were looking at the camera...
I snapped the photo and sent to him via mms, and asked him, who was that woman... and why would the sender post (via post office) that photo to me... know what his answer?
"Abang dah lupa, tak tahu pun nama budak tu.
Abg rasa gambar tu dalam bas tapi tak tahu bila.
Abg pun tak berhubung dengan dia...
kalau tak percaya, call lah dia kalau dia ada
bagi no tel atau alamat..."
Senangnya dia jawab... which of course made me even more suspicious...
How stupid does he think I am?
Dalam dia memujuk dia boleh buat macam ni. I didn't know that I could be this upset... tapi the fact is I was (still am) really upset... entahlah... 18 years of marriage, itu lah storynya... a parade of girls/women... some janda, some very young, some even bini orang... kalau I question sangat... penampar lah jawabnya sampai ke pipi...
The thing is... in the early years of marriage, memang I got so upset when I found out about his insatiable hunger for having more than one woman... he always had 1 or 2 girlfriends beside already having 2 wives... one day I even drove all the way back to Muar to mengadu hal dgn his parents. Of course, needless to say, they sided with their son... I yang tak pandai layan, tak pandai ambil hati suami... bla bla bla...
But, his arwah embah (late grandma) gave me a very sensible advice... She said "org lelaki ni, lagi kita nak control, lagi dia nak bebas. Jadi, jangan pikir apa dia buat kat luar sana tu... bila dia balik... kalau dia balik hidup, beri dia makan. Kalau dia balik sebagai mayat, kapankan..."
Since I had nothing else to hold on to, I held on to that wise words of arwah embah so as to make peace with my own feelings.
But God was really (still is) trying me... I am not the type of wife yang jealous or cemburu buta... since I met his embah, and she gave me that advice, I never bothered anymore with his womanising activities... tapi betina-betina tu pulak yg mencari I... Noli, Su, Deja, Narimah... these four women came looking for me or called me, wanting to find out if what he told them about me was true...
But, when I questioned him, or when I told him, all I got was a slap on my face, a kick or he knocked my head on the table ke... the door ke... the wall ke... what ever was convenient...
I am fed up... I have had it... No more... I dont want this kind of life anymore... I am in control now... I decide what I want in and out of this life...
I AM FED UP
I AM REALLY FED UP
I AM REALLY REALLY FED UP
To the sender of the photos, thank you very very very much. You really went out of your way to make sure that I never forget his true character... Thank you... I owe you the world...
I didn't expect anything... from him, that is... I didn't expect a wish, jauh sekali a gift...
That fateful Monday morning, I went to work as usual... keje banyak, students were expected to come to re-register on 18 June (today) , so, I was up to my nose with the preparation for that. When I opened my door (office), I noticed a brown envelope on my desk with my name and address handwritten on the front - the way it was written, it was as though the sender copied directly from my business card (because, on my business card, instead of writing my title in front of my name, my title was written under my name). The stamp was Selangor and it was stamped Shah Alam.
Since I had a lot of work to do, I just put the envelope in my in tray, I thought I'd open it later, after I finish doing some urgent things that I needed to submit to VP office that morning.
At almost lunch hour I remembered to open the envelope. The envelope had no return address, no note, no letter, no signature... just two (2) photographs... one was a photo of him and a young woman in what looked like a bus, and one was a photo of that young woman alone.
No, they weren't obscene photos. Just a photo of 2 persons (my soon-to-be-ex-hubby and a young woman) sitting next to each other on a seat in a bus... The photo was not candid or taken without their knowledge because they both were looking at the camera...
I snapped the photo and sent to him via mms, and asked him, who was that woman... and why would the sender post (via post office) that photo to me... know what his answer?
"Abang dah lupa, tak tahu pun nama budak tu.
Abg rasa gambar tu dalam bas tapi tak tahu bila.
Abg pun tak berhubung dengan dia...
kalau tak percaya, call lah dia kalau dia ada
bagi no tel atau alamat..."
Senangnya dia jawab... which of course made me even more suspicious...
How stupid does he think I am?
Dalam dia memujuk dia boleh buat macam ni. I didn't know that I could be this upset... tapi the fact is I was (still am) really upset... entahlah... 18 years of marriage, itu lah storynya... a parade of girls/women... some janda, some very young, some even bini orang... kalau I question sangat... penampar lah jawabnya sampai ke pipi...
The thing is... in the early years of marriage, memang I got so upset when I found out about his insatiable hunger for having more than one woman... he always had 1 or 2 girlfriends beside already having 2 wives... one day I even drove all the way back to Muar to mengadu hal dgn his parents. Of course, needless to say, they sided with their son... I yang tak pandai layan, tak pandai ambil hati suami... bla bla bla...
But, his arwah embah (late grandma) gave me a very sensible advice... She said "org lelaki ni, lagi kita nak control, lagi dia nak bebas. Jadi, jangan pikir apa dia buat kat luar sana tu... bila dia balik... kalau dia balik hidup, beri dia makan. Kalau dia balik sebagai mayat, kapankan..."
Since I had nothing else to hold on to, I held on to that wise words of arwah embah so as to make peace with my own feelings.
But God was really (still is) trying me... I am not the type of wife yang jealous or cemburu buta... since I met his embah, and she gave me that advice, I never bothered anymore with his womanising activities... tapi betina-betina tu pulak yg mencari I... Noli, Su, Deja, Narimah... these four women came looking for me or called me, wanting to find out if what he told them about me was true...
But, when I questioned him, or when I told him, all I got was a slap on my face, a kick or he knocked my head on the table ke... the door ke... the wall ke... what ever was convenient...
I am fed up... I have had it... No more... I dont want this kind of life anymore... I am in control now... I decide what I want in and out of this life...
I AM FED UP
I AM REALLY FED UP
I AM REALLY REALLY FED UP
To the sender of the photos, thank you very very very much. You really went out of your way to make sure that I never forget his true character... Thank you... I owe you the world...
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The night before the first day of school (after a long holiday)..
The night before the first day of school is normally a confession time...
"Mummy... remember when you asked me if I have finished my homework and I said yes? Hm... well... uh... actually... I have one more..."
This happened every time, without fail... and I still fell for it...
And tonight the unfinished homework was Bahasa Arab... for both Nabil and Aqim... alamak... how on earth was I going to help...
So... refer internet, refer text book... bolehlah sikit2... yg mana tak tahu, I hentam je... dgn muka confidence so that the boys pun confident jugak... haha
While helping the boys, I was quite (verbally) abusive towards the ustaz or ustazah...
"Bodoh punya ustaz/ustazah... bagi homework Bahasa Arab suruh budak buat sendiri... manalah budak nak tahu... mak bapak pun macam manalah nak tolong..."
"Ustaz/ustazah kau org ni mesti pemalas..."
I think I am going to see the principal to talk about this issue...
"Mummy... remember when you asked me if I have finished my homework and I said yes? Hm... well... uh... actually... I have one more..."
This happened every time, without fail... and I still fell for it...
And tonight the unfinished homework was Bahasa Arab... for both Nabil and Aqim... alamak... how on earth was I going to help...
So... refer internet, refer text book... bolehlah sikit2... yg mana tak tahu, I hentam je... dgn muka confidence so that the boys pun confident jugak... haha
While helping the boys, I was quite (verbally) abusive towards the ustaz or ustazah...
"Bodoh punya ustaz/ustazah... bagi homework Bahasa Arab suruh budak buat sendiri... manalah budak nak tahu... mak bapak pun macam manalah nak tolong..."
"Ustaz/ustazah kau org ni mesti pemalas..."
I think I am going to see the principal to talk about this issue...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Bukan jodoh bukan suratan...
Malam tiada berbintang
bayu tidak bertiup
terdirilah istana harapan
di dakapan tempat hamba berpaut
mencurah kasih murni
Bulan di wajah awan
mendung berarak sepi
bunga layu di tapak tangan
embun gugur berderai di pasir
membawa dirinya sendiri
Kiranya hancur hasrat hati
anak nan ini penawar duka
tiada daya menerima budi
dari insan jiwanya sengsara
Kasih berbelah bagi
dua insan bercinta
tinggi gunung harapan di hati
apa daya apalah bicara
bukan jodoh bukan suratan...
This is an old song of the 70s, I think it was sung by A. Razak. I have been humming this song for as long as I can remember, especially when driving at night and the sky is clear and as far as the eyes could see... syahdu... pilu... sayu...
bayu tidak bertiup
terdirilah istana harapan
di dakapan tempat hamba berpaut
mencurah kasih murni
Bulan di wajah awan
mendung berarak sepi
bunga layu di tapak tangan
embun gugur berderai di pasir
membawa dirinya sendiri
Kiranya hancur hasrat hati
anak nan ini penawar duka
tiada daya menerima budi
dari insan jiwanya sengsara
Kasih berbelah bagi
dua insan bercinta
tinggi gunung harapan di hati
apa daya apalah bicara
bukan jodoh bukan suratan...
This is an old song of the 70s, I think it was sung by A. Razak. I have been humming this song for as long as I can remember, especially when driving at night and the sky is clear and as far as the eyes could see... syahdu... pilu... sayu...
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Izinkan ku pergi...
... Pergilah rinduku hilangkan dirimu
tak sanggup menanggung derita di kalbuku...
... Maafkan daku duhai kasih
izinkan ku pergi...
tak sanggup menanggung derita di kalbuku...
... Maafkan daku duhai kasih
izinkan ku pergi...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
...
... tak perlu engkau tahu rasa rindu ini
dan lagi mungkin kini kau telah bahagia
namun andai kau dengar syair lagu ini
jujur saja aku sangat merindukanmu...
... memang tak pantas menghayal tentang dirimu
sebab kau tak lagi seperti yang dulu
kendati berat rasa rinduku padamu
biarkan ku hadang rinduku terlarang...
...ku puisikan rindu dihatiku
kuharap tiada seorang pun tahu
biar ku simpan saja
biar kupendam sudah
oh terlarang sudah rinduku padamu...
dan lagi mungkin kini kau telah bahagia
namun andai kau dengar syair lagu ini
jujur saja aku sangat merindukanmu...
... memang tak pantas menghayal tentang dirimu
sebab kau tak lagi seperti yang dulu
kendati berat rasa rinduku padamu
biarkan ku hadang rinduku terlarang...
...ku puisikan rindu dihatiku
kuharap tiada seorang pun tahu
biar ku simpan saja
biar kupendam sudah
oh terlarang sudah rinduku padamu...
Monday, June 8, 2009
Work and dream and reality...
We are not going anywhere this school holiday... We couldnt go anywhere last week as Muaz and Mia had extra classes because they are sitting for SPM and UPSR respectively, this year. Come to think of it, Amin is also sitting for PMR this year, why didnt he have extra classes? Hm... I think I've been duped...
And I cant take leave this week because this week is filled with meetings... starting with Quarter 2 business plan review today, endorsement of exam result tomorrow, timetable meeting on Wednesday, Faculty potluck on Thursday... Adoi... I get headache just thinking about it... tak larat lah... rasa macam nak quit je...
On my way home after picking up Mia from tuition about half hour ago, I found myself discussing with her about my dream of opening a bookstore... hm... I would open for business everyday at 10 in the morning (which means I can wake up at 9... hehe)... I could just sit and read or blog all day while waiting for customers... is that a dream life or what? hahaha...
Mia asked what would u call the bookstore mummmy? On impulse i said... HANI BOOKS AND TREATS...
Mia asked again, where would you get the money as capital? Again, without giving so much thought, I said... when your daddy pays me the money that he owes me...
At times like this, where office work keeps piling up until people cant see me even if they are standing in front of my desk... that idea is really tempting... hm...
And I cant take leave this week because this week is filled with meetings... starting with Quarter 2 business plan review today, endorsement of exam result tomorrow, timetable meeting on Wednesday, Faculty potluck on Thursday... Adoi... I get headache just thinking about it... tak larat lah... rasa macam nak quit je...
On my way home after picking up Mia from tuition about half hour ago, I found myself discussing with her about my dream of opening a bookstore... hm... I would open for business everyday at 10 in the morning (which means I can wake up at 9... hehe)... I could just sit and read or blog all day while waiting for customers... is that a dream life or what? hahaha...
Mia asked what would u call the bookstore mummmy? On impulse i said... HANI BOOKS AND TREATS...
Mia asked again, where would you get the money as capital? Again, without giving so much thought, I said... when your daddy pays me the money that he owes me...
At times like this, where office work keeps piling up until people cant see me even if they are standing in front of my desk... that idea is really tempting... hm...
Sunday, June 7, 2009
A pathetic kes of "gila talak" even before the talak is finalised...
Before I went to the wedding that tak pasal2 upset me (told in my previous posting) yesterday, I had breakfast with 3 old friends... we used to work at the same place in the 90s... Shima, Aliza (soon to be Dr Aliza) and Sabariah...
We had breakfast at UiTM hotel... Sabariah's treat... thanks dear friend...
I was so excited when Sabariah called me at 10.30 yesterday (actually she had been trying to reach me since 7 that morning, she even knocked on my door at 7.15, tapi I tido mati... sorry Sab...) I showered and changed for only 10 minutes... hm... that was really a record... hehe... As I left in a hurry I forgot one of my 2 mobile phones. (I have 2 mobiles, one given by my office, one personal and I left the personal one).
When I returned home at 12.30 I saw that I had a message. It was from si polan... "Kat mana?". I didnt bother to reply.
Last night... after spending 5 hours in the little koi pond, with body aching all over, he called and asked why I didnt reply his sms and where I was in the morning. I said I was out having breakfast with some friends... and I just hung up the phone, malas nak dengar whatever else he wanted to say or asked.
This morning, he sent several text messages accusing me of going out with a boyfriend and he even said this "... banyak calun dah tunggu awak ya... saya tahu pakwe lama dah lama menunggu awak dan tak sabar... dah kerap awak berjumpa kan... Sabar kot ya pun..."
This of coz flipped me over, so I replied... "eh, kalau I ni isteri yang jahat etc.. kenapa susah sangat nak lepaskan i? Sedarlah, u lah yang tak bertanggungjawab and you will burn in hell for that"
He didnt reply my sms... lost for words probably... people in my old neighbourhood said he really looks serabut now... macam org gila talak... nak tergelak pulak... gila talak even before talak is finalised...
We had breakfast at UiTM hotel... Sabariah's treat... thanks dear friend...
I was so excited when Sabariah called me at 10.30 yesterday (actually she had been trying to reach me since 7 that morning, she even knocked on my door at 7.15, tapi I tido mati... sorry Sab...) I showered and changed for only 10 minutes... hm... that was really a record... hehe... As I left in a hurry I forgot one of my 2 mobile phones. (I have 2 mobiles, one given by my office, one personal and I left the personal one).
When I returned home at 12.30 I saw that I had a message. It was from si polan... "Kat mana?". I didnt bother to reply.
Last night... after spending 5 hours in the little koi pond, with body aching all over, he called and asked why I didnt reply his sms and where I was in the morning. I said I was out having breakfast with some friends... and I just hung up the phone, malas nak dengar whatever else he wanted to say or asked.
This morning, he sent several text messages accusing me of going out with a boyfriend and he even said this "... banyak calun dah tunggu awak ya... saya tahu pakwe lama dah lama menunggu awak dan tak sabar... dah kerap awak berjumpa kan... Sabar kot ya pun..."
This of coz flipped me over, so I replied... "eh, kalau I ni isteri yang jahat etc.. kenapa susah sangat nak lepaskan i? Sedarlah, u lah yang tak bertanggungjawab and you will burn in hell for that"
He didnt reply my sms... lost for words probably... people in my old neighbourhood said he really looks serabut now... macam org gila talak... nak tergelak pulak... gila talak even before talak is finalised...
What women do in the name of love...
School holiday season brings with it wedding bells... I received more than 10 invitations for the 3 weekends of the school holiday this time... I had 3 yesterday and 2 today. But I only went to 1 yesterday and I am not going to any today... Today I just want to golek2 depan tv... hehe...
Actually I originally planned to fulfill all the 3 invitations yesterday because all the 3 were my neighbours - 1 in front, 1 at the back and 1 on the right of my house... imagine that... but I ended up going to one only (the one in the block in front of my house)... why? because I was already emotionally drained...
I know the mother of the bride quite well. She was the assistant at the kindergarten that 2 of my kids went to. It was a grand wedding (maklumlah... menantu pertama...) with 7 large white canopies and red skirtings... the theme was red and white... and I heard it was quite a big "catch" jugak... the groom is someone big at the Selangor stste agency...
When I congratulated the mother of the bride while kissing her cheeks... she said something that baffled me... she said "hm... nampak luar je seronok... dalam hati akak ni Allah saja yang tahu". I looked at her face and didnt say anything as they were many other guests queuing to salam and wish her.
After having lunch.. and it was delicious too, with daging dinding, barbecue chicken, acar, dalca, pajeri... I went into the next door neighbour's house while waiting for the pengantin to arrive... And I told that neighbour (Kak Dah) what the mother of the bride said to me earlier... what I heard really surprised me...
The beautiful bride, whom I have known since she was a little girl, is marrying a married man... but that's not the surprise part... the surprise part is that the man she is marrying just took his first wife 3 months ago and all the three of them (the man, the first wife and the second wife) work in the same office...
When I heard all these, the first question that came out of my mouth was... How could that happen because as I knew it they got engaged a year ago? As it turned out, the first wife was his old girlfriend who reappeared after he got engaged to the second wife...
And my second question was how could Kak Siti (mother of the bride) let her beautiful daughter marry that two-timing man?... Kak Dah said, her parents and adik2 all tried to talk her out of the marriage but she said she didnt care... she loved him so much that she'd rather die if she could not marry him... and I said to myself... where have I heard that before...
Hm... what women do in the name of love...
So, instead of going to the two other weddings in that same neighbourhood yesterday... I went straight home... dont knowlah... I feel sakit hati tak pasal2... to lepaskan my tension, I ended up spending 5 hours cleaning my koi pond... and in the end I couldnt sleep last night sebab sakit2 satu badan...
(Sigh........)
Actually I originally planned to fulfill all the 3 invitations yesterday because all the 3 were my neighbours - 1 in front, 1 at the back and 1 on the right of my house... imagine that... but I ended up going to one only (the one in the block in front of my house)... why? because I was already emotionally drained...
I know the mother of the bride quite well. She was the assistant at the kindergarten that 2 of my kids went to. It was a grand wedding (maklumlah... menantu pertama...) with 7 large white canopies and red skirtings... the theme was red and white... and I heard it was quite a big "catch" jugak... the groom is someone big at the Selangor stste agency...
When I congratulated the mother of the bride while kissing her cheeks... she said something that baffled me... she said "hm... nampak luar je seronok... dalam hati akak ni Allah saja yang tahu". I looked at her face and didnt say anything as they were many other guests queuing to salam and wish her.
After having lunch.. and it was delicious too, with daging dinding, barbecue chicken, acar, dalca, pajeri... I went into the next door neighbour's house while waiting for the pengantin to arrive... And I told that neighbour (Kak Dah) what the mother of the bride said to me earlier... what I heard really surprised me...
The beautiful bride, whom I have known since she was a little girl, is marrying a married man... but that's not the surprise part... the surprise part is that the man she is marrying just took his first wife 3 months ago and all the three of them (the man, the first wife and the second wife) work in the same office...
When I heard all these, the first question that came out of my mouth was... How could that happen because as I knew it they got engaged a year ago? As it turned out, the first wife was his old girlfriend who reappeared after he got engaged to the second wife...
And my second question was how could Kak Siti (mother of the bride) let her beautiful daughter marry that two-timing man?... Kak Dah said, her parents and adik2 all tried to talk her out of the marriage but she said she didnt care... she loved him so much that she'd rather die if she could not marry him... and I said to myself... where have I heard that before...
Hm... what women do in the name of love...
So, instead of going to the two other weddings in that same neighbourhood yesterday... I went straight home... dont knowlah... I feel sakit hati tak pasal2... to lepaskan my tension, I ended up spending 5 hours cleaning my koi pond... and in the end I couldnt sleep last night sebab sakit2 satu badan...
(Sigh........)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Spring... Autumn... and heat spell...
I was reading a friend's blog today where she posted pictures of flowers that she took in her European tour recently.
As I was clicking photo after photo after photo I found myself humming this old song that I liked so much when I was in secondary school in Ipoh. I suddenly remember one teachers' day celebration where a teacher (I forgot her name, but I remember she was very pretty) sang that song. I think that was in 1978 or 79 (alamak, tuanya rasa).
She sang it minus-1 but the whole hall was at awe and so mesmerized with her good, sweet voice yang mendayu-dayu... so bak buluh perindu...
I tried to google the song but to no avail... :( simply because I dont remember the title. But I remember the singer: Tia Ramon...
I still remember the lyrics:
Bila musim bunga tiba
halaman ku indah berseri
penuh bunga sungguh mempesona
riang hati melihatnya
Bila musim gugur tiba
bunga jatuh ke bumi juga
hati ku pun hiba melihatnya
nasib bunga tiada lama
Begitu juga insan
hidupnya seperti roda
tak ubahnya bak bunga
bila layu tak berharga
Sadarlah kau wahai bunga
tika mekar banyak yang memuja
bila layu dikau tak berharga
nasib bunga tiada lama...
While we are talking about season... hm... bila lah musim panas ni nak end... My son has a theory on this heat spell that we are facing now... he said, since we have school holidays now, many couples are getting married. To make sure it wont rain on their wedding, they call bomoh to tahan the hujan... hahaha... logik jugak tu...
As I was clicking photo after photo after photo I found myself humming this old song that I liked so much when I was in secondary school in Ipoh. I suddenly remember one teachers' day celebration where a teacher (I forgot her name, but I remember she was very pretty) sang that song. I think that was in 1978 or 79 (alamak, tuanya rasa).
She sang it minus-1 but the whole hall was at awe and so mesmerized with her good, sweet voice yang mendayu-dayu... so bak buluh perindu...
I tried to google the song but to no avail... :( simply because I dont remember the title. But I remember the singer: Tia Ramon...
I still remember the lyrics:
Bila musim bunga tiba
halaman ku indah berseri
penuh bunga sungguh mempesona
riang hati melihatnya
Bila musim gugur tiba
bunga jatuh ke bumi juga
hati ku pun hiba melihatnya
nasib bunga tiada lama
Begitu juga insan
hidupnya seperti roda
tak ubahnya bak bunga
bila layu tak berharga
Sadarlah kau wahai bunga
tika mekar banyak yang memuja
bila layu dikau tak berharga
nasib bunga tiada lama...
While we are talking about season... hm... bila lah musim panas ni nak end... My son has a theory on this heat spell that we are facing now... he said, since we have school holidays now, many couples are getting married. To make sure it wont rain on their wedding, they call bomoh to tahan the hujan... hahaha... logik jugak tu...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Misconception...
My previous posting has given my "silent" or "private" followers the idea that "that" was the reason for my applying for divorce...
My response was "Oh God no... not in the least"...
These two incidents (the deterioration of my marriage and the rediscovery of the long lost sweetheart) were totally independent of each other.
The cause of me falling out of love (with my soon-to-be-ex-husband) was his ultra extreme and humongous ego that had to be fed by slapping me around in the presence of his kids (from his other marriage) in an almost daily basis.
It is just a coincidence that at the time that the condition of my homefront became unbearable to me that the man from my past appeared. I'd be lying if I said that the encounter did not have any effect on me... But it was more like a walk in a memory lane... Talking about good memories is nice, but as we went on talking about the past, the not-so-good memories also surfaced and somehow that also reminded us the reason we had to go separate ways more than 20 years ago...
So, dear readers, please do not misunderstand me... I am not out of my mind, I am not a naive teenager... I am still sane, and this is not a Mills and Boon or a Norhayati Berahim novel. This is a true life story of an almost middle aged woman who is right now facing the most trying time of her life... A woman who is trying very hard to make a new beginning in her life fighting the unfair and biased system of the Syariah Court and the man who up till now is still refusing to let her go...
Hm... why do I need to explain this?... I dont know... I just feel that I have to...
My response was "Oh God no... not in the least"...
These two incidents (the deterioration of my marriage and the rediscovery of the long lost sweetheart) were totally independent of each other.
The cause of me falling out of love (with my soon-to-be-ex-husband) was his ultra extreme and humongous ego that had to be fed by slapping me around in the presence of his kids (from his other marriage) in an almost daily basis.
It is just a coincidence that at the time that the condition of my homefront became unbearable to me that the man from my past appeared. I'd be lying if I said that the encounter did not have any effect on me... But it was more like a walk in a memory lane... Talking about good memories is nice, but as we went on talking about the past, the not-so-good memories also surfaced and somehow that also reminded us the reason we had to go separate ways more than 20 years ago...
So, dear readers, please do not misunderstand me... I am not out of my mind, I am not a naive teenager... I am still sane, and this is not a Mills and Boon or a Norhayati Berahim novel. This is a true life story of an almost middle aged woman who is right now facing the most trying time of her life... A woman who is trying very hard to make a new beginning in her life fighting the unfair and biased system of the Syariah Court and the man who up till now is still refusing to let her go...
Hm... why do I need to explain this?... I dont know... I just feel that I have to...
Monday, June 1, 2009
Lost and found... and lost again...
A life time ago I met someone and fell in love... but the timing, the place and the overall circumstances forced us to part our ways... I lost him...
Two or three years ago, I found him... after more than 20 years... after what seemed to be a life time... We met a few times, we talked about the past, the present... did we talk about the future? Hm... I don't think so... because deep in our hearts we knew we did not have a future... together that is...
We continued sending sms, emails and occasionally we chatted over the net. We continued talking about the past as though it was the present... and the way we talked, one might have thought that we were a couple of teenagers...
He made me feel special and missed... God... he really made me feel ultra special...
All the while I kept thinking the reason why we were destined to meet again...
And today I found the answer... so that we could say proper goodbyes... so that we would have a proper closure... You see, we had this pact that every time we parted ways, we were not supposed to say "goodbye", we were just to say "see you later"...
So... if you are reading this, this is my goodbye to you... remember, no regrets? Nope, none whatsoever... oh, maybe except one...
Goodbye...
So, the story that began with "once upon a life time" is now ending with "lost, found and lost again"...
Two or three years ago, I found him... after more than 20 years... after what seemed to be a life time... We met a few times, we talked about the past, the present... did we talk about the future? Hm... I don't think so... because deep in our hearts we knew we did not have a future... together that is...
We continued sending sms, emails and occasionally we chatted over the net. We continued talking about the past as though it was the present... and the way we talked, one might have thought that we were a couple of teenagers...
He made me feel special and missed... God... he really made me feel ultra special...
All the while I kept thinking the reason why we were destined to meet again...
And today I found the answer... so that we could say proper goodbyes... so that we would have a proper closure... You see, we had this pact that every time we parted ways, we were not supposed to say "goodbye", we were just to say "see you later"...
So... if you are reading this, this is my goodbye to you... remember, no regrets? Nope, none whatsoever... oh, maybe except one...
Goodbye...
So, the story that began with "once upon a life time" is now ending with "lost, found and lost again"...
A weekend that deviates from the norm...
I normally like a quiet and peaceful weekend so that I could rest, relax and recharge my mind and body. I even do my grocery shopping (every 2 weeks) on Friday night so that my saturday and sunday can be spent for reading, writing and watching TV.
But last weekend was exceptional. I went to a wedding on Saturday afternoon at Section 7 (my neighbour did her daughter's wedding reception at the Pusat Belia and Kebudayaan, Section 7, Shah Alam). Later that same afternoon, I went to a friend's house in Taman Melawati, where we had a not-so-called planned reunion. The last time we met was Feb 2007. And then on Sunday I went to a housewarming party of a friend also in Section 7, Shah Alam. To end the "perfect" weekend, I took the kids to a movie at Bukit Raja TGV. We went at 7.30pm to catch the 9.15pm slot, but tickets were all sold out, so we ended up watching the 11.00pm slot. The movie? Syurga Cinta. My comment? Hm... I have seen better (Malay) movies...
So... even though today is Monday, I feel like it is already Wednesday or Thursday...
Sigh........
But last weekend was exceptional. I went to a wedding on Saturday afternoon at Section 7 (my neighbour did her daughter's wedding reception at the Pusat Belia and Kebudayaan, Section 7, Shah Alam). Later that same afternoon, I went to a friend's house in Taman Melawati, where we had a not-so-called planned reunion. The last time we met was Feb 2007. And then on Sunday I went to a housewarming party of a friend also in Section 7, Shah Alam. To end the "perfect" weekend, I took the kids to a movie at Bukit Raja TGV. We went at 7.30pm to catch the 9.15pm slot, but tickets were all sold out, so we ended up watching the 11.00pm slot. The movie? Syurga Cinta. My comment? Hm... I have seen better (Malay) movies...
So... even though today is Monday, I feel like it is already Wednesday or Thursday...
Sigh........
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