When does it end...

So much is going on in my life right now... So much negativity...

Sometimes I feel like running from it all... just drop everything and leave... but the question is where to... I'm too old to be running away from problems... too old to be chasing rainbows...

Maybe God never meant for me to be happy, that's why happiness (if any) never lasts for more than a few moments in my life...

Am I trying too hard or don't I put enough effort?

I used to be a believer in the law of averages... but somehow now I'm beginning to wonder... does the law apply to my life at all...

Crying does not help anymore... tears used to be able to wash some of the pain... but now no more... after the tears all dried up, the pain is still there, in fact the hurt even burns more than before...

Who do I turn to in times like this? When the silence of the night becomes so loud, it deafens my ears... when the cold night embraces me, it cuts so deep, it hurts me even more than I ever thought it possibly could...

When will this end? when does it stop hurting... when will my heart become whole again... when will the pain and sorrow go away... when...

One of my late mom's many favourite songs...

tiada benih yang kusemai

tiada musim yang kutunggu

tiada kasih yang kubelai yang aku rindu

tiada embun yang kan gugur

penyubur jiwa kering tandus

tiada  kasih untuk pelebur jiwa kabus

berkali sudah air datang merubah pasir

namun pantai tetap jua kan berlumut

keringlah sudah kini airmata mengalir

namun sampah yang di mata tak jua hanyut...

hanyalah ini doa ikhlas

mereda sendu dan tangisan

bahtera kasih ku terkandas di tepian....

bagaimana.....

Seribu kali sayang...

Beribu sesalanku...

Sia-siaku mencintaimu

Setia padamu

Percayakanmu

Sebak dadaku

Retak hatiku

Luka jiwaku

Dihiris pilu....

Beribu sesalanku...

Peristiwa Semalam...

A friend gave me the link... Thanks Sab...

Peristiwa Semalam

These are lyrics of a song by Uji Rashid... If anyone have it in MP3, please email to me, or u r my FB friend, please link it to me... Thank you...

Sebelum terpejam mata,apa salahnya
Kau bahagiakan hidupku,
Tiada gunanya kau menyesali,
Penderitaan diakhir hayat.

Andainya kau ada yang lain,dalam hidupmu,
Tak perlu kau mencari aku,
Pergilah dan teruskan bersamanya,
Biarku sendiri membawa hati.

Lemahku rasa langkah ku ini,
Meneruskan hidup yang lesu,
Hingga menistis airmata,
Dimana janji setiamu,
Yang kau lafazkan dulu,
Pendihnya ku tersiksa,
Di perdayakan oleh cintamu,

Peristiwa ku semalam, sukarku lupakan
Lukanya terpahat dihati,
Dikala aku sepi kerinduan,
Biarku menangis sendiri.

Past, present and future

"I cannot erase my past...

But if you keep using my past to justify everything that you do in the present

then I think it is best for us to forget about our future together"...

Dunia ibarat air laut...

‎'Dunia ibarat air laut,
diminum hanya menambah haus,
nafsu bagai fatarmogana,
di padang pasir,
panas yang membahang disangka air,
dunia dan nafsu bagai bayang-bayang,
dilihat ada ditangkap hilang.
Tuhan leraikan dunia,
yang mendiam di dalam hatiku,
kerana di situ tidak ku mampu,
mengumpul cinta dunia....

Mintalah hati yang baru..

Kata Iman Ghazali:

"Carilah hatimu di 3 tempat. Cari hatimu sewaktu membaca al-quran. Jika tidak kau temui, carilah hatimu ketika mengerjakan solat. Jika tidak kau temui,juga carilah hatimu ketika kau duduk bertafakur mengingati mati. Jika tidak kau temui juga, maka berdoalah kepada ALLAH, mintalah hati yang baru kerana hakikatnya pada masa itu kau tidak lagi mempunyai hati."

kisah janji dimungkiri... lagi....

beribu sesalanku.....