Milestone

Muaz "khatam" secondary school officially yesterday. His last paper was Chemistry, and when I asked him "how was it?", his answer was "Boleh la..." In fact that was the standard answer that he gave everytime I asked after he finished a paper. When I complained about it, he said "well... mummy pun tanya standard question jugak"... Anak-anak zaman sekarang... "pandai menjawab"...

I think, everytime my children sat for exams, I was more nervous than them. Especially Muaz, he seemed very cool... in fact too cool... he watched TV as usual, jogged every evening as usual, lepak with his friends as usual... did not break away from his routine at all during the exam weeks. I can only pray that he will get good result so that he can enrol in good programs like Diploma in Pharmacy (if he chooses to stick to science) or Diploma in Accounting.

Anyway... Muaz finishing seconday school signifies a new milestone in my life... he will be 18 next April... which means I will have an "adult" son who I can really appoint as "the man of the house". In a way, I feel relief because in absence of si polan, Muaz can play or shoulder that role "legally" now (I mean once he turns 18 in April 2010). Yet, in another hand, I can't help but to worry mainly because this is the cucial years of his life that he should have a mentor or a role model to help him through the process of transforming from a teenager to an adult. I ask myself sometimes if what I am doing is fair to him...

And I know that the situation that I am in right now has effects on him. For example, I often hear him says that he plans to stay single forever. One of the occasions is when we were talking about buying a new house. He prefers a double story house but I prefer single story because when I am old and staying alone, it will be a waste to have such large space but unoccupied. He responded by saying... "dont worry mummy, I will stay with you forever because I will never get married"... Jokingly I replied "Ala... you'll never know... once you meet someone you like, you'll forget what you said today..." But actually, his words cut me deep, because I know his losing faith in marriage is definitely due to the example set by me and his daddy...