It's my fourth day without my babies today... Mia, Aqim and Nabil have been with their daddy since Tuesday. They came home for awhile yesterday afternoon to pick up their baju raya and other stuff because they said daddy wanted them to follow him balik kampung...
Today is also my first raya without all my kids around... which means... no raya for me...
This reminds me of my late parents... especially in the 90s when my father was still around... since all of us were already married (except my first brother), we had to take turn spending raya with our inlaws. So, to make sure mak and bapak didnt have to spend the raya alone, we made sure at least 3 of us would be spending the first raya with them at one time...
But what happened was, both of them would be in their long faces... mak would be crying... sometimes bapak also cried with her... I tried to pujuk them...
"dah lah mak, bapak... dia orang ada mertua, kenalah bergilir raya... ani pun nanti tahun depan kena bergilir beraya dengan mertua pulak..."
I remember one of those raya mornings, my mother said "Kamu apa tau... nanti bila sampai masa kamu, kamu tahu lah..." and she would continue crying...
Hm... today... this morning... when I woke up and saw Aqim's and Nabil's bed (across from mine) empty... I felt a large lump in my throat... as I hugged their toys (garfield, barney, willy...) and cried, my mind travelled back to those raya mornings where I was telling my parents not to cry... and my mom would say... nanti bila masa kamu, kamu tahulah...
Well mak... sekarang ani tahu macam mana rasanya...
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