Tak ada rindu... Ada rimas...

Thats how I feel about my babies... particularly Aqim and Nabil...

OMG... these two boys are constantly at each other's throat... fighting non-stop... one always negates whatever the other is saying...

For example, right now we are watching Awan Dania... when Aqim says "cunnya dania ni...." Nabil would say "mana ada... tak cantik langsung"...

And when they quarel, they would call each other by the female part of their names... eg. Nabil is Nabilah, Aqim is Aqimah, Amin is Aminah... dulu rasa macam cute... now irritates me so much...

Arghghgh!!!!... naik darah tinggi aku...

Masak tak menjadik...

I cooked nasi impit... ketupat mini adabi... almost half of them broke (plastik pembalutnya pecah). I cooked kuah kacang... pun tak menjadik, tak tau apa yg tak cukup, tapi yg pasti tak ada umph (as Muaz put it)... I used the same recipe that I usually used (my mom's recipe)... hm...

Next, i tried to fry mihum pulak... also tak sedap...

Then I remember... semua tak menjadi because nobody kacau me in the kitchen while I was cooking today, selalunya Aqim and Nabil would be busy asking "mummy masak apa?" and then sibuk nak rasa... "mummy.. let me have a taste.. hm... sedapnya"...

I miss them so much...

Raya yang tak raya...

It's my fourth day without my babies today... Mia, Aqim and Nabil have been with their daddy since Tuesday. They came home for awhile yesterday afternoon to pick up their baju raya and other stuff because they said daddy wanted them to follow him balik kampung...

Today is also my first raya without all my kids around... which means... no raya for me...

This reminds me of my late parents... especially in the 90s when my father was still around... since all of us were already married (except my first brother), we had to take turn spending raya with our inlaws. So, to make sure mak and bapak didnt have to spend the raya alone, we made sure at least 3 of us would be spending the first raya with them at one time...

But what happened was, both of them would be in their long faces... mak would be crying... sometimes bapak also cried with her... I tried to pujuk them...

"dah lah mak, bapak... dia orang ada mertua, kenalah bergilir raya... ani pun nanti tahun depan kena bergilir beraya dengan mertua pulak..."

I remember one of those raya mornings, my mother said "Kamu apa tau... nanti bila sampai masa kamu, kamu tahu lah..." and she would continue crying...

Hm... today... this morning... when I woke up and saw Aqim's and Nabil's bed (across from mine) empty... I felt a large lump in my throat... as I hugged their toys (garfield, barney, willy...) and cried, my mind travelled back to those raya mornings where I was telling my parents not to cry... and my mom would say... nanti bila masa kamu, kamu tahulah...

Well mak... sekarang ani tahu macam mana rasanya...

Claiming credit...

Ever since Mia got her UPSR result, her daddy has been claiming credits... bawa dia balik kg jumpa atuk, kononnya minta blessing sebab dah dapat result elok, mintak-mintaknya all exams akan datang pun Mia akan dapat result elok... By the way atuk gave her RM5 je... yes... Five Ringgit Only.. kedekut!!!

Pada halnya... when I asked him to pay Mia's tuition fees early this year, his answer was "Awak kan gaji beribu...". In fact his contribution to all my 5 angels' education is almost negligible... tapi suddenly nak claim credit... bangsat betul...

I still remember early this year when I had an "sms war" with his first daughter... I called her "stupid, bodoh, bahlol, bangang"... actually I dare called her "bodoh" because she failed all papers in SPM except BM... what else would you call people who fail all papers in SPM? Betul tak?

Anyway... the bimbo, who I also call "bohsia" because of the way she dresses, must have mengadu to him (his daddy, si polan...). So, si polan ni marah kat I, he came over to my house and actually said this to me... "jangan panggil anak I bodoh, sebab Mia tu pun belum tentu pandai ke tidak.. tengok lah nanti"... imagine, dia sumpah anak dia sendiri. I sumpah that airhead because she is not my daughter and in fact she is one of the contributors to the predicament that I am in right now... tapi what father in a right mind would curse his own daughter like that... apa dosa Mia pada dia...

And speaking of the bohsia daughter of his... when she was in Form 5, the year she took her SPM, she only pretended to go for tuition classes on the nights that she was supposed to be in those classes. She was given a motorbike to go to the classes herself, but instead, what she did was merempit dengan one boy, a factory worker, who I understand is still her boyfren now. The money that she was supposed to pay for her tuition classes, she used to do rebonding on her hair... and her (also stupid) mother didnt question where she got the money from to do her hair... memang anak beranak moron...

Eh, this entry was supposed to talk about Mia and how her daddy is now claiming credit to her 5As in her UPSR recently... melalut pulak... maklumlah... tengah marah ni...

So... itu lah... After cursing Mia, his own daughter, after ignoring her for almost a year... after refusing to pay for tuition classes that Mia attended... suddenly now nak claim credit... huh!! TAK MALU!!! Eeeee.... memang BANGSAT!!!

Old friend...

I have heard about a lot of goodness that facebook has brought to some people... and the bala it brought to others...

And recently I dont know why that I had the sudden urge to want to find my old friends... old school friends and university friends... So, after several tutoring sessions given my my sons, I created a facebook account... using my real full name and putting my utmost "skema" photo... haha!! The objective is so that old friends would recognise me...

Since then I managed to find and be found by a number of primary and secondary school friends.

And today I met one of them, Saerwati her name... a dear dear old friend from primary school. We were in the same class for 5 years I think... It was good talking about the past... the good old primary school days... the best years of school of all... memories like being the most famous group of girls in the school... sharing lunch that we brought from home under the tree near the school during recess... sport days... and many other fond childhood memories... really mengusik jiwa...

But when we talked about the present... the mood suddenly changed... If this was a movie, the background music, which was playing a happy song, suddenly changed to a sad sentimental one... Sigh... From her I heard news about many other friends... at least one of our classmate had died... at least one is divorced... and our lives' stories too were somewhat similar... except she gave up half way when her husband was adamant not to let her go... and she didnt want to subject her children to the messy divorce proceedings... Hm... But she told me to be strong and never give up...

Actually, when we first talked (over the fon and emails) about meeting, she wanted to invite one other friend (male) from primary school also, in KL. And that friend is only free after work, hence at night. So, given my circumstances, it is not possible for me to meet friends on social basis at night. So, I gave her one excuse after another not to go. But she kept pushing... until I had no choice but to tell her my predicament. That's when she agreed to just meet me alone..

So we met today... after 33 years... the last time we met was on the last day of standard 6 in 1976. After that we went to different secondary schools - I went to a boarding school in Ipoh, and she went to a day school not far from our primary school... and we havent heard from each other since... oh, except once through my sister because she married my sister's classmate back in 1980s when I was was still studying in the US...

Oh, at her age... which is the same as my age... she already has one grandchild... Tiba2 rasa pulak diri ni dah tua...

33 years... that's a lot of years...

Mia made me a proud mummy today...

The thing that I fear most this year is that the predicament that I am in for more than a year now would adversely affect my children's education, hence to some extent, their future. Three of them are sitting for national examinations: Mia UPSR, Amin PMR and Muaz SPM.

Mia and Amin already finished and done with their exams and Muaz just started his SPM yesterday. Mia and Amin looked genuinely nervous during their exams but Muaz is extremely cool this week... which, needless to say worries me a bit. Even though he is guaranteed a place at the university where I am currently teaching, because it offers programs from Certificate (entry requirement is just 1 Pass subject in SPM) right up to PhD and DBA, I would like him to enroll in at least a diploma program. All I can do now, I think, is just pray real hard that he will get good grades in at least 5 subjects... Hm...

Forget Muaz and Amin for at least right now...

The reason for me writing this entry is actually to announce that my girl, my only girl of the 5 kids that I have...

SCORED 5 As IN HER UPSR...

yeay!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS MIA!!!

You really did mummy proud...

Good luck Muaz!

Muaz will be sitting for his first paper for his SPM tomorrow.

So, my dear Muaz... mummy prays and hopes that you will pass with flying colours...