Thoughts that cross my mind...

Baing batu sembunyi tangan...

2011-12-11T12:20:00.000+08:00

Bodohnya kau wahai manusia celaka... berani buat tak berani tanggung... dah buat salah dan ditangkap dengan bukti, masih tidak mengaku...

Tapi, alhamdulillah... kebenaran sentiasa di pihak yang benar... Apa kau dapat sekarang? Sakit tak kena hempap dengan squash zombie?

Semoga engkau semua insaf and back off from my life ok... Aku tak pernah kacau korang, memang sejak awal lagi engkau anak beranak lah yg selalu mengacau hidup aku... dan engkau ingat aku akan melarat tidur bawah pokok pisang selepas apa yg engkau dah buat?

Sekarang siapa yg tidur bawah pokok pisang?

Get lost forever!!!

When does it end...

2011-10-23T04:11:00.001+08:00

So much is going on in my life right now... So much negativity...

Sometimes I feel like running from it all... just drop everything and leave... but the question is where to... I'm too old to be running away from problems... too old to be chasing rainbows...

Maybe God never meant for me to be happy, that's why happiness (if any) never lasts for more than a few moments in my life...

Am I trying too hard or don't I put enough effort?

I used to be a believer in the law of averages... but somehow now I'm beginning to wonder... does the law apply to my life at all...

Crying does not help anymore... tears used to be able to wash some of the pain... but now no more... after the tears all dried up, the pain is still there, in fact the hurt even burns more than before...

Who do I turn to in times like this? When the silence of the night becomes so loud, it deafens my ears... when the cold night embraces me, it cuts so deep, it hurts me even more than I ever thought it possibly could...

When will this end? when does it stop hurting... when will my heart become whole again... when will the pain and sorrow go away... when...

One of my late mom's many favourite songs...

2011-10-22T12:31:00.004+08:00

tiada benih yang kusemai

tiada musim yang kutunggu

tiada kasih yang kubelai yang aku rindu

tiada embun yang kan gugur

penyubur jiwa kering tandus

tiada kasih untuk pelebur jiwa kabus

berkali sudah air datang merubah pasir

namun pantai tetap jua kan berlumut

keringlah sudah kini airmata mengalir

namun sampah yang di mata tak jua hanyut...

hanyalah ini doa ikhlas

mereda sendu dan tangisan

bahtera kasih ku terkandas di tepian....

bagaimana.....

2011-10-22T11:29:00.000+08:00

Seribu kali sayang...

2011-10-22T11:18:00.002+08:00

Beribu sesalanku...

2011-10-21T23:53:00.000+08:00

Sia-siaku mencintaimu

Setia padamu

Percayakanmu

Sebak dadaku

Retak hatiku

Luka jiwaku

Dihiris pilu....

Beribu sesalanku...

Peristiwa Semalam...

2011-10-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

A friend gave me the link... Thanks Sab...

Peristiwa Semalam

2011-10-10T16:39:00.000+08:00

These are lyrics of a song by Uji Rashid... If anyone have it in MP3, please email to me, or u r my FB friend, please link it to me... Thank you...

Sebelum terpejam mata,apa salahnya
Kau bahagiakan hidupku,
Tiada gunanya kau menyesali,
Penderitaan diakhir hayat.

Andainya kau ada yang lain,dalam hidupmu,
Tak perlu kau mencari aku,
Pergilah dan teruskan bersamanya,
Biarku sendiri membawa hati.

Lemahku rasa langkah ku ini,
Meneruskan hidup yang lesu,
Hingga menistis airmata,
Dimana janji setiamu,
Yang kau lafazkan dulu,
Pendihnya ku tersiksa,
Di perdayakan oleh cintamu,

Peristiwa ku semalam, sukarku lupakan
Lukanya terpahat dihati,
Dikala aku sepi kerinduan,
Biarku menangis sendiri.

Past, present and future

2011-10-10T11:02:00.001+08:00

"I cannot erase my past...

But if you keep using my past to justify everything that you do in the present

then I think it is best for us to forget about our future together"...

Dunia ibarat air laut...

2011-10-10T10:55:00.002+08:00

‎'Dunia ibarat air laut,
diminum hanya menambah haus,
nafsu bagai fatarmogana,
di padang pasir,
panas yang membahang disangka air,
dunia dan nafsu bagai bayang-bayang,
dilihat ada ditangkap hilang.
Tuhan leraikan dunia,
yang mendiam di dalam hatiku,
kerana di situ tidak ku mampu,
mengumpul cinta dunia....

Mintalah hati yang baru..

2011-10-08T19:18:00.002+08:00

Kata Iman Ghazali:

"Carilah hatimu di 3 tempat. Cari hatimu sewaktu membaca al-quran. Jika tidak kau temui, carilah hatimu ketika mengerjakan solat. Jika tidak kau temui,juga carilah hatimu ketika kau duduk bertafakur mengingati mati. Jika tidak kau temui juga, maka berdoalah kepada ALLAH, mintalah hati yang baru kerana hakikatnya pada masa itu kau tidak lagi mempunyai hati."

kisah janji dimungkiri... lagi....

2011-10-07T21:06:00.002+08:00

beribu sesalanku.....

Belated raya post

2011-09-21T11:53:00.000+08:00

1 Syawal (30 Aug 2011) di Pagoh... with my bodyguards...

Blue raya this year... nasib baik tak "Raya Blues"...

With my favourite daughter... Eh, memanglah favourite... she's my only daughter... :-)

3 Syawal, at my sister's house in Selayang... with 2 of my sisters (1 other sister is in Kedah) and 1 of my brothers (another 2 in Ipoh and Kuching) and his wife...

My daughter and her female cousins... wish I could have all my nieces (to include the ones in Kuching and Kedah) in this photo....

1 Syawal (photos were not arranged chronologically...)

Here's Muaz with his atuk Tina (my MIL). Many people say that my MIL's name is more modern than my kids's names... Hahaha... BTW, my daughter is named after her sister, Munirah....

Muaz was born prematurely (actually all my kids were born prematurely at 7 months)... and it was the first time that my MIL had a premature grandchild, and she was so amazed by the size of Muaz (at birth).. He weighed a mere 1.86kg... and because of that every time we balik kg, my MIL would first hug and kiss Muaz and say "oh cucu aku... sayangnya... kalau aku ingat masa kau lahir dulu, aku tak sangka kau boleh hidup and jadi besar macam ni..." hahaha... but she never says that to my other kids, padahal the other four pun weighed less than 2 kg at birth, Nabil being the smallest... 1.6kg....

MJ and his mom

Berdrama di pagi raya... hahaha...

Mia and my brother's youngest daughter Eisya Humaira... people say Eisya looks more like me than her own mother... hahaha... jangan marah Haizan (Eisya's mom, my SIL)...

My sons and nephews... 5 nephews are not in here... 2 in Perak and 3 in Kedah... InsyaAllah we have a mega reunion end of this year when my brother from Kuching comes back for a holiday...

I can't resist to include this photo as well... taken with old friends from secondary school recently at raya open house of one of them... MJ did not join me at this reunion, so I sent this photo to him via BBM... he said "the middle one looks like my old girlfriend"... :-)

Happy birthday to me

2011-08-18T15:54:00.001+08:00

I turned yet another year older last 16th August 2011. But I'm too depressed to write about it... Here's the photo of the cake that thr kids (and their daddy) bought for me... Sinfully delicious... Thanks Abg (for paying for the cake) and Mia (for choosing it)... :-)

Forgive and forget? Nah....

2011-08-05T13:12:00.000+08:00

I tried to forgive them, but I just cant find it in my heart to do that. They have caused so much grievances and hardship in my kids' life and mine too. Even in the holy month of Ramadhan where Muslims should forgive and forget, I still cannot bring myself to forgive them and forget... The more I try to forgive them the more I feel that I hate them, in fact mere mention of their names would easily trigger a mood swing for me...

My eldest boy gave me a good advice... Mummy, if you hate them, that means you are acknowledging their existence. You should just learn to feel indifferent towards them, do not give them any credit by having a feeling towards them, albeit a negative feeling... Smart boy, isn't he? Many zillions times smarter than them...

Oh well... This year's Ramadhan resolution for me should be changed.... Instead of trying to forgive and forget them... I'll just try to ignore their existence... maybe this is easier...

My babies...

2011-07-26T15:14:00.001+08:00

Introducing my 3 little babies... from left: George, Tarzan and Hercules. Born on 12 May 2011. Parents' name: Jojo and Kiki. Breed: Unknwon. My favourite is Hercules.

An eventful train ride... :)

2011-07-20T22:17:00.001+08:00

I had to go to our KL branch today to audit (internal audit) a program which will be audited by MQA next week. The office is at KL Central, so KTM Komuter is a very convenient way to go there. Plus I dont like driving there because of the spiral parking... I once scraped the bumper of my Toyota while driving up the spiral parking... Urgh... That was the only one time that I drove to that office...

I was caught in the morning rush... that's no surprise because I had to catch the train latest by 8am in order to reach KL Central before 9am... and I'm not complaining either as I've done that many times before this, either to attend meetings, audit or to attend my PhD classes which were held at our KL centre before the main Shah Alam campus was open.

But the train ride today was a bit eventful as I sort of created a 'scene'... unintentionally though.. it was very spontaneous...

I was lucky, despite the morning rush hour, I manged to get a seat 2 stations after I boarded the train. And the seat was the long seat along the window and I was sitting at the very end. There was a couple standing next to me, they couldnt be more than 20 years old. The guy was hanging to the yellow strap, and the girl was holding to him very tightly... And the backpack, which the guy had on his back kept bumping my head. Of course after some time I got irritated, but still I told them nicely:

"Excuse me, your bag is on my head".

The boy leaned a bit at me (while the girl continued to hug him very tightly) and said "apa dia?" to which I repeated what I said earlier:

"Your bag is on my head".

The boy suddenly said to me with a raised voice... "Cakap Melayu la..."

And guess what happened.... spontaneously, unplanned, without thinking, with a raised voice too, I said to him:

"Oh... Melayu rupanya... ingatkan org putih sebab tak malu dok berpeluk depan org ramai..."

The girl immediately let go of him... and I saw everyone around was looking at me and the couple... OMG... I was thinking... was that me who said that.... Hahahaha....

After that the girl stood jauh sikit from his boyfriend and I just sat there like nothing happened, took out a book from my bag, and read... actually pretended to read... adoi...

The Chinese lady who was sitting next to me just smiled at me... before she got off at one station before I got off, she smiled and said... "Bye, have a nice day"... I just smiled... but laughing hysterically in my heart... hahaha...

Adoi... may be it's about time I gave up riding the train... berasak2 tu really got to me agaknya, that's why tiba2 macam separuh mengamuk tu... malu pun ada, but I'm glad the couple stopped doing what they were doing after I yelled at them... hehe...

So, young couples... beware... if u board the train, and Auntie Hani is on it... dont ever try to create mushy mushy scenes... because I'd create a bigger and more memorable scene for you... :)

Bila gajah dgn gajah berperang...

2011-07-12T11:36:00.000+08:00

9th July 2011... Bersih 2.0... What have I got to say about this...

To me... It is clear that the clash was about berebut kuasa... or gila kuasa... Clash between those who are in power and are so afraid of losing their power and those who do not have power and wishing so much to have the power...

Simple... pusing lah kot mana pun... rationalise lah macam mana pun... itu lah hakikatnya...

So, bila gajah dengan gajah berperang, siapa yang jadi mangsa? Sad... so sad...

Belated post for Amin's 17th bday cum Mummy's day

2011-06-20T18:54:00.000+08:00

happy father's day

2011-06-19T22:26:00.000+08:00

Deadlines oh deadlines... oh boy... I'm dead...

2011-06-14T00:38:00.000+08:00

I went back to work today (Monday 13 June 2011) after almost a week break. I took almost a week off just to stay at home and unwind. As the kids get older, it becomes difficult to agree on a holiday spot.The last time I wanted to take them on a holiday (in March to Melaka and April to Trengganu) not all of them went with me. So, this time I just decided to stay home... they can't complain now... in fact they waived their right to complain after they refused to come along with me to Melaka and Trengganu... :-)

Masuk je office today, I saw stacks of files on my desk... OMG what have I done... those days off that I took was despite many missing deadlines that were staring into my eyes today. Sitting in my chair felt like being choked today. I didnt know which one should I do first, since all of them are in the category of "do or die"... Mak!!!! help!!! help!!!

Thus... those are the reasons for my mind refusing to shut down tonight, and this entry...

I really need to strategise for tomorrow and the rest of the week to make sure all those deadlines are clear and out of my way by Friday... possible? well... I'll just have to make it possible...

Pray for me please.......

changing focus..

2011-06-12T12:48:00.000+08:00

someone wise said, dont think about what u dont have or what u could hv had, instead focus on what u have...

Malam Jumaat

2011-06-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

Malam ni malam Jumaat...

Hati teringat semua yg telah tiada

Arwah mak, bapak, ende, opah, atuk, embah... dan ramai lagi...

Alfatihah buat mereka

Semoga semuanya ditempatkan bersama org2 yg soleh...

:'(

wicked witches

2011-06-05T20:02:00.000+08:00

Beware of the wicked witches of the south

For they always wait for opportunities with open mouth

just like an alligator in a calm stream

they snatch away ur life before u could even scream...

too little too late..

2011-06-04T22:42:00.000+08:00

seribu thn kau bersamaku sewaktu ku senang takkan dpt melupuskan sehari yg kau tinggalkan aku sewaktu ku susah..

I'm not a super woman..

2011-06-04T20:57:00.000+08:00

I'm not the kind of girl

That u can let down

And think that everything's ok..

Boy I am only human

This girl needs more than occassional hug

As a token of love from u to me....

I'm not kidding

2011-06-03T16:23:00.000+08:00

If you think I'm kidding

Think again...

Because I'm serious when I say
Sooner or later you'll be the last thing on my mind...

As the little ones are no longer little
My needs for you have gone down
Not a little but more than a ton...

What more... the not so little ones
Are majority boys to men
Even the only girl won't mind
Because even when she walks down the isle some day
One of her brothers can give her away...

So... trust me when I say
Even right now you are the LAST thing on my mind...

Oh by the way... I'm not just talking about my mind
I'm also telling you that you are also FAR from children's mind...
No, I never taught them to forget you
They got the signal directly from you...

So, all in all
Trust me when I say that I'm not kidding
That sooner than later, you are the LAST thing on my mind... on our minds...

Sooner or later...

2011-06-03T12:31:00.002+08:00

Sooner or later i'll be free
To leave the past behind
Sooner or later you're gonna be
The last thing on my mind
Little by little i'm finding out
The truth behind your eyes
Maybe if i don't show
I thought you might like to know
You're gonna be the last thing on my mind

Disappointed...

2011-05-27T08:27:00.004+08:00

If you won't be with me in time of my needs, then don't be with me at all...

Translation/Terjemahan:

Jika awak tak ingin bersama saya ketika saya memerlukan, tak payahlah awak bersama saya langsung...

"Kekal" di AF...

2011-04-18T14:06:00.001+08:00

Sayang dengarkanlah
Syair kau tulis ku lagukan
Moga jadi siulan
Suatu masa
Dan moga engkau kan tersenyum
Dengan irama indah
Hanya itu
Yang mampu ku beri

Di dalam mimpiku
Syair indah
Yang masih ku baca
Hangus terbakar
Dengan tak ku sangka
Yang ku mimpi
Rupanya terjadi
Punah semuanya

Kesepian kini
Menyusuli hari
Syair nan di rindu
Kau bawa bersama
Tinggallah irama
Terus ku lagukan
Kekal ia bersama
Serpihan harapan kita yang punah

Kita tak menduga
Dari kenalan lahir sayang
Hingga ku terlupa
Kau siapa
Setulus kasih ku kalungkan
Dan selautan sayang
Kau singkirkan
Di persada ramba

I just can't stop humming this song (Kekal... Ziana Zain) since last Saturday night when the song was performed at AF9... it was sung beautifully by Lena, the only AF candidate this year that really has talent... yang lain tu... hm... hampeh... oh, ada one other candidate who also has a bit of a talent in him, Eirul, the Korean fanatic guy... I think he can last till the final, all those girls yg giler kan Korean artists would surely vote for him... I think...

A quick get away...

2011-04-07T01:29:00.004+08:00

I went on a 2-day rendezvous on 4th and 5th April... actually it was a business trip, but as usual, I mixed the business with some pleasure...I wish I had time to write about it... but I have so much "homework" to do tonite... So, I'm only sharing the photos... (the photos are not in the order of timing... malas nak susun...).........

We left on Monday 4th April, 6.45am, rainy morning, couldnt even see KLCC...

Genting-Sempah Tunnel...

Stopped for bfst at Temerloh R&R... Akim ni kalau ambik gambar, tak buat muka, tak sah... Hmm...

A Bumiputera Pharmaceutical company where my student did her internship

Pantai Sura, Dungun... I used to live and work here in 1991-1994... this beach sure brings back a lot of flashbacks... I was overwhelmed by emotion once I layed my eyes on this beach.... I have been back here only once in 2006 for a meeting at the place where I used to work before... but this is the first time for MJ after almost 20 years...

My son, Akim said: Mummy, u mean u used to live here? Why did u move to Shah Alam? This place is gorgeous!!! Mia and Nabil also agreed with him...

Believe me sayanag... I wish I hadn't moved too...

The hotel we stayed in in Kuala Trengganu... I wanted to stay in Primula but it was fully booked...

View of South China Sea from our room... at sunset...

Sunrise... well it as almost 7.30am... way after sunrise... I fell asleep waiting for sunrise after subuh to capture it in a photo... When I woke up, it was about 7.30am...

Jejak kasih 1 - Muaz's baby sitter when he was about 1 year old...

Jejak Kasih 2 - the girl at Pasar Payang (KT) from whom we always bought our batik cloth... she is still there after 20 years... actually it was her who recognised me and MJ... She saw MJ first... she cried out "Abang... buat apa kat sini?..." and then she saw me..."Eh, Kak Ani!!! Dok beghubah langsung... putih melepak macang dulu jugak"... I was "Huh??"... Actually I didnt remember her at first... after a while, baru teringat. She even remembered Muaz... she asked about him... how sweet....

2 horses by the beach of Pantai Batu Buruk... they caught our attention because these horses were not tied and walked freely there...

Masjid Terapung, Kuala Ibai... we stopped for Asar on our way to KT...

The 2 photos were taken within a few minutes apart by the same camera, but the scene looked so different.. Hmm....

While waiting to be fetched by my uncle who is now a KT residence...that's Jejak Kasih 3, but forgot to take photos....

Kelantan Football team was also staying in the same hotel... here's Akim with Khairul Fahmi, the goal keeper... the keeper that helped Malaysia championed the Suzuki cup not long time ago... It really made Akim's day because he is a football fanatic fan....

Akim and Nabil with another player (I dont know his name)

Masjid Kristal...

Jejak Kasih 4 - with an old high school friend...

Taman Tamadun Islam...

Jejak Kasih 5 - an ex staff who is now working in Trengganu...

Jejak Kasih 6 - the house I used to live.. looks so run down..

Mia - Pantai Batu Buruk...

Masjid Kristal...

Last glimpes of Dungun on our way back...

Good bye Trengganu... till next time...

Letih...

2011-03-27T21:43:00.000+08:00

I just had a 7-day working week... and urghhhh... I am so bloody tired... and next week is also a 7-day working week... followed immediately with a 2-day outstation to Trengganu...

I'm not a workaholic, but somehow my work requires me to ACT like one...

Aduh... aduh... duh duh duh duh duh duh... tiba2 terkeluar pulak lagu ni...

Berkorban apa saja...

demi untuk yang kucinta...

siksa dan derita...

telah kuterima...

tapi aku tak bahagia...

Aduh aduh duh duh duh duh duh duh...

Ahai.... ahai....

One word to describe what/how I feel right now... yup... u guessed it... TIRED @ LETIH...

Are you proud to be a Malaysian now?

2011-03-24T19:38:00.000+08:00

People in Africa are fighting for food, medicine and clean water for everyday use, people in middle east are fighting to change their corrupted and undemocratic government, the Libyans are facing death everyday due to attacks by the US troops, the Japanese are still in shock and mourning for their losses after the earth quake and tsunami.. and what are we in Malaysia doing now? Fighting over a scandalous sex video... Adoi... I almost feel ashamed of being a Malaysian right now...

I'm no supporter of any political party... mainly because I am an academician... and academicians are not supposed to talk politics... academicians are just supposed to be propagators of facts and figures and of course with intellectual analysis and synthesis...

But the current political scenario in the country now is just so sordid... so extremely nauseating... that I just feel compelled to write a piece on it... :)

The 8 o'clock news should be now rated 18SX... I am actually embarrassed to watch the news now when the kids are around... my little Nabil actually asked me "Mummy, what is a pelacur?"... how do I answer that... I actually encourage the kids to switch to other channels at 8 o'clock... kalau dulu, dari dlm bilik I dah jerit "Kan ni pukul 8, masa mummy tengok news lah... please switch the channel to TV3"... But now "Nabil nak tengok cerita apa, Nabil tukarlah, tak ape..." Budak tu pun dah confused and asked back "Mummy tak nak tengok news?"

Come to think of it...even an idiot would know... all those politicians from the ruling party tu semua bersih sangat ke? Yes or No DSAI did it, Yes or No he is the man in the video is actually a second issue... what people see... sensible people lah, staunched UMNO supporters would never see this... what people see is the peculiarity in the way the video issue is handled... it is so darn obvious that there is a conspiracy behind it... and the conspirators are so shallow and not so smart (I dont want to say stupid hehe...) that they fail to see the likely repercussion of the issue...

Just before I started writing this entry, I went to the Economist website (which I often do, being an economist myself)... adoi... I'm so shock to find that there is a piece on this issue there... adoi... malunya... really, right now rasa malunya mengaku diri ni Malaysian di mata dunia...

The busiest 4 days ever... (17 - 20th March 2011)

2011-03-22T19:41:00.002+08:00

Banyaknya aku buat benda dalam those span of 4 days... when I look back, macam unbelievable je...

Those 4 busy days started with a short trip to Melaka and Muar (17 and 18 March 2011)

I had to attend 2 meetings, one on Thursday (17/3) at Pejabat Ketua Menteri Melaka, Menara MITC and the other on Friday (18/3) at TNB Melaka. Since the two dates coincided with school holiday week I thought the kids would be delighted to tag along as they usually did whenever I had to go outstation. But to my surprise the 3 bigger ones said "no, mummy I have my own plans for the holiday", almost in chorus...

Hm... I guess the kids are feeling that they are getting too old to still tag along with mummy whenever mummy goes outstation. Only the two small ones, Aqim and Nabil, who are actually not so small anymore, are still excited to come along whenever mummy steps out of the house...

Sedih jugak, bawa kereta besar, tapi 2 org anak je ikut... but what to do, I have to come at peace with my own feelings... I have to accept the fact that the kids will soon fly the coop and leave me in my empty nest... hwaaaaa... I'm so not looking forward to that...

I only booked a hotel on Tuesday... and didnt really expect that almost all the hotels were fully booked, in fact all the hotels that I called (Philea, Radisson, Equatorial, and a few others) were fully booked. So, when I called this particular not so grand hotel, I quickly reserved a room... adoi... nama je "Grand", tapi tak grand langsung... as the engineer at the MITC (the engineer that I had the meeting with) said, "Hotel tu memang teruk, I rasa dia dah ujud dari zaman Hang Tuah lagi kot..."... Nampak macam serious, tapi pandai pulak buat lawak engineer tu....

Actually I wanted so much to try the new hotel at Ayer Keroh... Philea Resort... tak pe lah, may be next time.

So, the room at Grand Continental was not that bad, we got a room with one single and 1 queen beds, ok lah for the 4 of us... tapi yg tak tahannya... hotel tu bau macam basement, hapak semacam...

But to Aqim and Nabil, the smell, the food, the room size, even the bed dont matter, as long as the hotel has a swimming pool... In fact, while I was checking in at the counter, Aqim asked the receptionist "Where's the swimming pool? Tak nampak pun...". The pool was actually on the roof...

Masuk je bilik, they immediately changed into their swimming attire and ran to the lift again to go up to the roof.. macam anak itik budak dua org ni terjun masuk kolam tu... splash!!!

After my meeting (around 4pm) we went to Taman Buaya (Melaka Crocodile Farm)... the place looked so dull and gloomy, it wasnt as lively and fun as it used to be... I think the last time I went there was more than 15 years ago when Muaz was still 2 or 3 years old. There used to be a bridge, where we could stand on it and watch the crocodiles right below us. The care taker said that the owner of the farm was worried that a child might fall off the bridge and become the crocodiles' free meal and if that happened, the farm would sure be forced to close down by the authority...

There are now miniature replicas of Malaysia's famous buildings and landmarks in the middle of the Taman Buaya... KLCC, KL Tower, Tugu Negara, Penang Bridge, PM Office, Masjid Negara, A Famosa and a few others...

It was quite boring actually, the 2 boys were actually whining... "Mummy, boringnya... let's go somewhere else..." I had to literally force them to stand or sit near the replicas for me to take their photos (even though there was a sign "do not enter" into the fenced area of the replicas)...

We went to board one of the Melaka River Cruise boats after that... and that was fun... we enjoyed the 45 minutes boat ride...

Last thing we did that evening, before we went for dinner, was went on the Revolving Tower of Taming Sari... the ride took only 10 minutes and the ticket price was the same as the ticket for the Melaka River Crusie boat ride (RM10 for adult and RM5 for kids) and it was worth it...

The next day, we checked out early before I went to my meeting at TNB Jalan Banda Kaba at 10 am. After the meeting, we went back to Muar... at first MJ planned to take the state road, but after Semabok, he decided to go through the highway instead... the weather was just too hot for a drive...

We stopped at Semabok (before continuing our way to the PLUS highway) for an early lunch at this restaurant...

The food was delicious... we had asam pedas, masak cili padi pucuk ubi, sambal sotong and pecal... aduuuh sedapnya... betul2 rasa home made, I really recommend this place to anybody who like lauk masakan kampung...

MJ and the owner of the restaurant... he looked so simple, and his restaurant pun nampak biasa je... but MJ said Haji Isenin is actually a millonaire...

I saw this newspaper cutting displayed at the back of the restaurant... MJ told me that Haji Isenin is the father inlaw of the owner of "Fadhilat Herba" who died together with his wife (Haji Isenin's daughter) and 4 children in a car crash 2 years ago... The accident made headlines in newspapers and TV... Haji Isenin claimed that he loaned RM1 million to his late son in law as capital for his company (Fadhilat Herba)...

We left Semabok at around 12pm and reached Pagoh Muar about an hour later...

Later that afternoon, we went to MJ's dusun durian, about 11 km off bound... the journey was really menyeramkan... but the view was breathtaking... but no photo sebab terlampau takut... lalu tepi tebing curam, masuk lumpur, celah pokok kelapa sawit... ada bekas tapak kaki binatang, entah2 harimau...err...

I didnt count how many durian trees were there, tapi memang banyak, and all of them were bearing flowers... in about 2-3 months insyaallah the trees will bear delicious fruits... yummy... cant wait...

I went back to Shah Alam with Nabil and Aqim petang tu jugak... because the 2 boys did not want to miss Raja Lawak Final... and I had my monthly breakfast meet with my breakfast buddies the next day...

My breakfst buddies... from left... Dr Aliza, Shima and Sab... we have been friends since the early 90s...

Later that day, I received a call from MJ that his friend, whom I also knew, passed away in Pattani Thailand. Arwah was once married to MJ's foster parents' daughter. So, that Saturday night, we went to Bangi (where arwah's house was) and stayed until about 1am... by the time we left, jenazah has not yet arrived... We decided to go back and MJ went back there after subuh. I decided not to go with MJ because I Amin, my second son, was going back to his hostel that Sunday.. and I needed to do some shopping for his needs as well as for the other kid's needs as the next Monday schools will be reopened after one week holiday.

That Sunday morning, I went to do grocery shopping alone, and cooked lunch after that.. after lunch, I took Amin shopping, and at around 5pm went to send him back to his hostel...

All those activities in four days... macam tak percaya je.... :)

suka menyibuk - baik mati...

2011-03-14T20:52:00.001+08:00

1. Rajin bercakap, rajin bekerja - Bagus Sekali
2. Rajin bekerja, malas bercakap - Kena Buli
3. Malas kerja, rajin bercakap - Wayang Cina
4. Malas bekerja, malas bercakap - Tak Guna
5. Malas bekerja, suka mengadu - Nyanyuk
6. Malas bekerja, selalu ponteng - Baik Berhenti
7. Malas bekerja, suka menyibuk - Baik Mati

- Kata-kata Profesor UNGKU AZIZ

I particularly like no. 7... memang ramai dlm dunia ni dlm kategori tu... terutamanya ada satu kerabat tu yg suka sangat nak tahu apa aku buat apa aku fikir... lepas tu dia sakit hati lalu meracun dan mengungkit...betul2 bangsa tak ada keje selain MENYIBUK...

Aku tak doakan dia org mati, sebab mak aku dulu ajar, walau macam mana jahat pun seseorang tu, jangan sesekali kita doakan dia mati... yang cakap "MALAS BEKERJA, SUKA MENYIBUK - BAIK MATI" tu Professor Ungku Aziz, bukan aku...

Early anniversary present...

2011-03-13T15:00:00.001+08:00

I received an early anniversary present from MJ... I asked why so early? Our anniversary is not until 15 June... He said this is a one year anniversary of him "winning me back"... Ha? Oh ok... tak pe, the anniversary of him winning is the anniversary of them losing... hahaha... Apa2 lah... The gift? Blackberry Bold 3... :)

Dah orang bagi... ambik je lah... orang tua2 kata, rezeki jangan ditolak, maut jangan dicari... and orang berbudi kita berbahasa, orang memberi kita merasa... nama I nak beli sendiri, tak kuasa... :)

So, thanks MJ...

mentimun dan durian...

2011-03-11T22:23:00.001+08:00

I came up with this new peribahasa today by myself... I swear...

Apa kan daya...

kita mentimun, mereka durian...

tapi kalau durian dah jadi tempoyak, cicah dengan mentimun...

dua-dua habis kena makan jugak...

Moral of the story... tak payah nak berlagak... tak payah nak berjalan mendongak ke langit... sebab sesungguhnya dunia ini sentiasa berputar... hari ni kita makan orang, esok mungkin kita kena makan...

Gloomy Friday...

2011-03-11T13:01:00.000+08:00

Suramnya hari ni... mengantuk dibuatnya... uwaaaaaaaa......

Kalau boleh tido kan best...

Aduyai....

RESPECT can only be EARNED...

2011-03-10T15:46:00.003+08:00

Some managers are so unreasonably bossy... and they demand "respect" from their subordinate by threatening them... not only that they also like to use the big bosses' names as their shields...

Teringat pulak masa kecik2 dulu... "ha! ha! tak tau! kita nak cakap dgn mak kita... nanti mak kita pukul awak...".... hahahhahaha...

Hai.... entahlah... Kalau dah takut org tak respect kalau guna nama sendiri... kenalah ubah perangai supaya orang boleh respect you because of you, not because org takutkan boss besar... After all...

RESPECT can only be EARNED... it CANNOT be FORCED or IMPOSED...

Dont steal, lie or cheat...

2011-03-10T07:49:00.005+08:00

Dont steal, lie or cheat...

But if you must steal, steal away my sadness...

If you have to lie, lie besides me every night for the rest of my life...

And if you need to cheat, please cheat death...

(source: unknown)

So predictable...

2011-03-08T12:07:00.002+08:00

As expected... dia telah menghebohkan apa yang terjadi (her version of course...) ke seluruh 4 penjuru alam... org tak tahu pun jadi tahu... sehingga org tak ingin tahu pun jadi ingin tahu...

Someone whose office is located at the end of the building ran into me this morning... and asked what really happened, because she said what she heard was so unlike me...

Haha!! My answer was... you gunalah your own judgement to make your conclusion.. I'm not going to say anything...

I'm taking this stand now...

Ilham dari pujangga

BERDIAM DIRI BUKAN ERTINYA KAU KALAH

Biar cercaan sekali datang menimpa

sudahlah memang adat di dunia

Bersuaralah kamu pada perkara berguna

Itulah sifat orang bijaksana...

hahaha - kelakar gila...

2011-03-07T13:27:00.001+08:00

"Anak abg tu pandai, dapat semua A STPM dia..."

Me: Ok, eloklah. Berapa A?

"8A..."

Me: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... nak tipu pun agak2 lah....

Aduh sakit perut aku ketawa...

I'm too old to be bullied...

2011-03-04T01:36:00.003+08:00

My mind is working over time again tonight... I know this is not good for my bp... but somehow I dont have enough control on this... I really get worked up over what happened this week...

Was I too soft? What made them step over my head? Is it because I always gave in to them? Or is it because I never answered them back? (sebab kecik2 mak dah ajar, "jangan menjwab"... hehe)

My mind went through the meeting on Tuesday evening over and over again... thinking what I should have said... what should hv been my answer or my reaction...

My memory went back to so many occasions where I helped save her butt... and how many times she humiliated me in front of other people... Why did I ever let her do that...

I also cant stop thinking the statement that she always said to me "Ani, aku kagum dengan kau... macam mana kau boleh buat bodoh je..." And I always said to her... "ala... tu small matter je... aku tak luak pun..."

I think she has said that statement to me so many times she is beginning to believe what she said.. that I am really stupid... Actually I would really like to say to her face that she is the one with the SPM gred 3 mentality... who thinks quantity is better than quality.... who thinks that auditors would be impressed with decorative tagging rather the contents of the file...

Oh God... I have lost count on how many times I have let her get away with her defamation remarks to me... Actually I know why... I didnt want to stoop to her level (of SPM gred 3) to argue on things which I considered as small matter or petty because I believe when tiime comes the evidence or the output will speak for itself...

But was I wrong... I dont know what mandram she used because she has managed to make the big boss with a PhD to bow to her command... she has succeeded to make the big boss look at the picture from her SPM gred 3 angle...

Ok, let me start from the beginning... we (me and her) are heads of parallel departments. And both our departments were audited (well, mine is still as I have more projects than her, while hers finished yesterday) this week. The audit exercise of 2 of my programs and 2 of her programs finished yesterday afternoon and the auditors gave two thumbs up to my programs - my programs complied to all special conditions (syarat khusus) with additional 2 recommendations for improvement (cadangan penambahbaikan). All in all the auditors said that they will write a favourable review about my programs.

Unfortunately, her programs was badly reviewed. The auditors claimed that they failed to find the evidences that are crucial to her programs.

As soon as the exit meeting was over, the CEO called for a post mortem... and all of the sudden, the post mortem was all about the badly reviewed programs, the meeting was all about finding who should be the black goat (kambing hitam) to put at the stake...my immediate boss suddenly brought out issues that the CEO conclusively accepted as the reasons for the failure of the other 2 programs. And the reason was ME...

I was blamed to be not cooperative with her in preparing the documentations and the evidences... hello... we were both put to be audited on the same dates... I had my own set of documentations and evidences to collect, accumulate, filed, labeled...

Actually, they were evidences that were common to our programs but she insisted on preparing those evidences themselves... and her mistake was that she was not looking into the content, all the time she was verbally abusively harassing people of my department on the tagging of the files. She was more concern over the decorative tagging rather than the contents of the file. I did try to offer my 2 cents worth of opinion to her and what she did was she got up, bang a file on her table and stormed out...

And somehow... when her programs were badly reviewed, she put the blame on me... everyone in the exit meeting (including the CEO and our immediate boss) heard the comment was not at all about the unstandadized tagging or the uneven size and colour of the front cover of the files.. in fact there was no mention on whether the auditors were impressed with the decorative file tagging (hahahaI just have to laugh here... because it was really silly)...

Anyway... the main comments were on insufficient evidences... insufficient activities conducted... the lack of knowledge of the people in her own department about their own programs...

Actually the evidences for our programs are of the same nature, except that her evidences should be related to her programs and mine related to my programs. So, when I commented that I had all those evidences, she made a comment that "kenapa tak buat copies of the evidences for me too?" OMG... I think that statement was too much...I mean, who am I to her? her secretary? her maid? And what was worse, the bosses agreed with her... hello.... what just happened? semua org dah dibodohkan ke?

It was very sad to me when the immediate boss and the CEO seemed to side with her...

Even sadder, when I tried to defend myself and my team, the CEO shut me up... she said "I dont want to hear any more explanations from you... " imagine that... in front of about 25 staffs from many supporting departments...

And even more pathetic than that, the success of the audit of my programs was not mentioned at all in the post mortem. No "good job Ani, keep up the good work"... or "congratulations to you and your team Ani"... Nope... none whatsoever...

All the other staff from the other departments (HR, maintenance, resource center, etc) looked at me with pitiful eyes... in fact as soon as the meeting was over, some of them did come to me and said "sabar la kak... kami faham apa akak rasa"...

Once I was back in my room I just could not contain my composure any more... I cried like a little girl whose barbie doll house just got destroyed by her stepmother... my staff tried to console me... but I just could not take it... suddenly my immediate boss came in and added salt to my wound... she continued her lecture by saying that I should thank my lucky star because my programs received good review because she helped me a lot... I was "Ha?!?"...

I thought and thought hard... why? even people of the CEO's office were flabbergasted by the conclusion that their boss made...

Needless to say, the reason why my mind refuses to allow me to catch some zzzz is because it wants me to think of what to say to those "straw women" the next time I see them... many dialogues come and go in my mind on what I would say the next time she asks help from me (she often did that especially in preparing reports)... or the next time she asks me to go out to lunch.. because I know her well enough that after this, she will just carry on like nothing happened... selalunya macam tu lah,,,, and I would just go along with her... That's why she made the statement "You boleh je buat bodoh ya Ani..."

Well, not this time bum... not anymore... in fact the next time i see her i'm going to ask her to think hard on who is the stupid one... budak gred 3 SPM yg keje operator telefon lepas SPM lepas tu belajar luar kampus ke... or budak gred 1 yg terus pegi US for 6 years after SPM...

Lesson to learn here... no matter how high you study (in her case sampai Master) tapi kalau tahap mentalnya tahap SPM gred 3, maka itu lah level of thinking nya sampai bila2...

I'm going to hold my head high this time and not let her ever say that statement to my face again... the statement of "u boleh je buat bodoh ya Ani..." I owe this to myself... Eh, dah macam movie "I'm not stupid" pulak.... hahaha...

Seriously, I'm just too old to be bullied... pelik betul... tak malu langsung perempuan tu... u dah failed dah lah... try to improve next time... what did she hope to accomplish by doing what she did? would it change the auditors' report? betul2 mentality SPM gred 3...

Ok lah... dah start nak ngantuk dah ni... good night people... thanks for reading the thoughts that crossed my mind tonight... :)

Munafiq who we thought was our friend...

2011-03-03T18:35:00.001+08:00

What do u call a person when found to have done something wrong, as a result pinned the blame on someone else?

If u asked me... I would call that person a MUNAFIQ...

I really learn a valuable lesson this week...

An extremely valuable lesson that if ever I forget it, I swear I would never forgive myself...

I'm too hurt to even write about it now... someday when at least I am partially healed, I will write all about it. Oh no... it's not about MJ... nothing to do with him... this is about work...

Species

2011-02-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

2 species of human beings that I dont like:

1. those who dont know how to say THANK YOU
and
2. those who dont know how to say SORRY

I like it just the way it is...

2011-02-28T12:51:00.000+08:00

I tried to change things... I failed...
Reason? You and they wouldnt let me...
So, I am "forced" to live with this arrangement imposed to me by you and them...
May be for the rest of my life, if I outlive you...
And I have come to term with it...
I have accepted the fact that I can never change you or them
Nor can I change the predicament I'm in...
And I have given up trying to change you...
So, dont try to change me...
That's all I ask of you...
I have no choice but to just like it just the way it is...

things that u dont know wont hurt u...

2011-02-28T00:05:00.001+08:00

Really? Hm... to some extent, I do believe in the phrase...

In certain cases, things that you dont know may kill you... for example, if you dont know that u had cancer, and u go about ur everyday life as usual, and not seeking treatment at all (because u dont know it), of course the cancer would definitely kill u sooner than otherwise... or in certain cases, knowing the disease might even save ur life altogether...

But in other cases, I am a strong believer of the phrase "(certain) things that I dont know wont hurt me"... There are things in this life that knowledge about them would not add to the body of knowledge that I already have... so, knowing those things would definitely have no value at all to me... Or even worse, knowing those things, or being told to me about those things would actually unnecessarily trigger certain switch that would make me switch my mood from good to bad, or from bad to worse...

And sadly, some people, a certain someone actually refuses, time and time again, to understand this... and never cease to attempt conversation on the matter with me... Come on lah... takkan lah tak nampak my sudden mood swing if certain names or certain stories are narrated to me... In fact, almost all the time that he tried to start a conversation on matters related to those things, I would give him reactions, that a normal human being would pick up immediately... Sometimes when I think about it, I do believe that his behaviour is deliberate... he purposely mention those things to bug me, or to upset me or to pick a fight... why? ask him, not me... he is the one doing it, not me...

I mean he is well aware of the animosity between us... he knows very well how I hate them... what is the point that he is trying to prove?

Tell me what good are those information to me... tipu pulak tu... tambah pulak, I had already told him that I dont want to know anything about them... hatta kalau dia org mati pun I tak nak tau... sebab to me they are like bugs... no value, no meaning... so, what good would it bring to strike a conversation about bugs or about things that have no meaning...

I have told him for the last time about my care-lessness as far as they are concerned... hopefully he will never mention them again after this... tu pun I dah cukup baik tak panggil dia orang "anjing" like ada my friend yg panggil madu dan anak2 perempuan tu ANJING... and everytime her husband mentions her madu's and children's names, or everytime her husband tries to tell her anything about them, she would immediately respond TUI!!! TUI!!! TUI!!! SIAL!!! SIAL!!! SIAL!!! Ha... I dah cukup baik, I tak buat macam tu... :)

So, I hope he would really think twice before he tries to mention anything at all that are linked to them next time... I hope he would never bring up the subject of BUGS again after this... because if he did, it would really BUG me...

Movie night...

2011-02-27T09:02:00.001+08:00

Last night was the first time I purchased a movie on astro first. The kids have been asking me to buy a movie ever since the program first started. But I never felt that it was worth it... but this weekend my sister is here for the weekend with his son... so, the kids are using her... "please mummy... mak yang pun nak tengok juga..."

The movie was "Khurafat"... alahai... despite banyak pujian that I heard about the movie review... to me the movie macam movie retro je... banyaknya flaws pulak tu...

1. org dlm movie tu dah tau kena "ganggu"... duduk rumah dalam gelap, tak buka lampu...
2. hospital pun gelap... mana ada hospital yg tutup lampu masa tidur... in fact aku selalu gaduh dgn nurse kalau aku masuk hospital, sebab aku mintak dia tutup lampu, dia cakap tak boleh... grrr...
3. bilik mayat pun gelap...
4. heronya keje atendan bilik mayat je, tapi bawa kereta mewah... I think it was either harrier or lexus... and rumahnya jugak... mak ai...
5. Liyana Jasmay yg selalu bawa watak budak nakal tu diberi watak perempuan dewasa yg alim... adoi... tak kena langsung.... and tak menjadi pun...
6. Dialog/skrip nya... mcm movie 80an... cerita2 mcm menanti hari esok... azura... mcm tak berkembang langsung industri filem melayu ni...

Nasib baik tengok kat astro first, RM15 je for 7 persons... kalau tengok kat TGV, at least RM100 (tickets plus pop corn)... alangkah ruginya... ish ish ish...

really need a break...

2011-02-25T11:28:00.000+08:00

I really need a break from this chaos...

Tiba2 teringat lagu ni... uji rashid kalau tak silap... nanti malam nak cari kat youtube (youtube is blocked at the office)...

SANG RAJUNA HATI

Pergi sudah cinta hati
Entahkan bila kembali
Tinggallah hidupku sunyi
Seumpama rumah tak berisi

Hilang seri maya ini
Dik hidup dirundung sepi
Tolonglah Illahi Rabbi
Agar lepas dari siksa ini

Kalau turut seruan hati
Lautan luas kurenangi
Agar dapat aku bertemu
Sang Rajuna hati

Pohon-pohon tinggi menjulang
Lambai oh lambaikan daunmu
Panggil pulang kekasihku
Sang Rajuna hati

Survival of the fattest... part 2

2011-02-25T00:29:00.000+08:00

Another fat person at the office cari pasal with me today...

With the audit preparation, everybody is tensed up... but do u really need to add to the stress... biul betul la...

I hv said it time and time again... I love my job....but sometimes the ppl around me are making it less and less enjoyable... somehow they enjoy making other ppl feel stressful... bodo ke apa?

Somebody in her dept buat keje tak betul, aku pulak yg disalahkannya... tak kena mengena langsung... dasar mentality pekerja kelab malam... eh, where did that come from? lol...

Tahlah... my body is tired but my mind refuses to shut down... so merepeklah di sini... if u (readers) dont understand... that's ok... not meant for u to understand... here is the place for me to blurt out whatever that crosses my mind that I cannot say it out loud...tempat release tension...

Hm... I must really be on that diet that I keep postponing... because I dont want to turn into those fat ladies... suka mengamuk tak tentu pasal and like a hurricane wallup everything in their path... I hate them!!!

cerita org tgh stress...

2011-02-23T19:25:00.001+08:00

This one is taken from a friend's FB wall...

A student showed a blank piece of paper to his teacher...

Teacher asked: what is this?

Student answered: a picture of a cow eating grass on a field...

Teacher puzzled and asked: but there is no grass...

The student looked at the teacher and said: grass all gone, eaten by the cow...

Teacher looked at the student with wide eyes: I see... and what happened to the cow?

Student immediately answered: No more grass, so cow left this field to look for more grass on other field...

Hahaha...

A+ for creativity
F for drawing...

Stress

2011-02-23T19:04:00.001+08:00

Aduuuh... all stressed out...

And when I'm stressed out, bp will go up to the sky... today's reading was so bad, dr wondered how i'm still standing up.. she gave me 2-day MC, but of coz I could only take the MC in my dream...

My department is going to be audited next week... 4 days (1 - 4 March)... u bet i'm losing my sleep over this...

And I found a good quote today on a friend's wall (FB):

HILANG KASIH BOLEH DIGANTI, HILANG KERJA SUSAH NAK CARI GANTI...

:)

Survival of the fattest... oops I mean fittest...

2011-02-21T19:55:00.004+08:00

I survived another day at the office today... despite hati yg membuak2... I managed to maintain my composure and professionalism...

God knows how my heart is still not settled from what happened last Friday...

I dont know... I never had good luck working for fat people... lol... where did that come from? Yeah, actually I just came with that conclusion just before I fell asleep last night... a childish statement, I know, but I need to have something/someone to blame for what happened... I dont make sense? That's ok, this particular entry is just for me to understand...

Err... btw, this reminds me to start going on a diet... my last check up (last Saturday) showed that my weight now is more than when I was 7 months pregnant... ouch!!

Hopefully by next appointment, which is in 2 months, my weight would be down by at least by 5kg... and someone would kancing gigi when he/she/they look at me... lol...

When the nurse read my weight that day, I remembered someone did call me "fat devil" in her blog not too long ago... hahaha... and at that time I was actually about 10kg less than now (because I just had an operation). Kalau time tu, I was a fat devil, imagine what would she call me if she sees me now :-)

And if u wonder why I laughed when I was called a fat devil... the reason was (and still is) that person's mom was twice my size... hahaha... if I was a fat devil, what would her mom be? An obese angel? hahaha.. obese yes... angel hardly... more like satan worshiper... ooops... well she is... fat and bald and with satanic eyes...not to mention bahasa beracun yg dia selalu cakap kat my little Nabil and Aqim...

Anyway... my entry today is a bit (or a lot?) merapu because as I said above, my heart is still not settled from what happened last Friday... I still feel disappointed, I'm still hurt, I'm still sad, I'm still upset....... hmm...

Kawan makan kawan...

2011-02-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

I have officially appointed someone else as my enemy no. 1 now, even above my deceitful MJ. I cant write much about it here, because a number of the people in my office are readers of this blog - my mistake, I once checked my blog at one of the admin staff's PC and forgot to delete the history...

That someone is (was now) actually a friend of mine for more than 10 years. It took me that long to realise her true colours... walaupun ada banyak occasions dia buat benda yg tak sepatutnya dibuat oleh seorang kawan kepada kawannya...

Well... never mind, Allah maha adil dan bijaksana... aku doakan dia akan dapat balasan yg setimpal dengan apa yg telah dia buat...

Kifarah...

2011-02-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

‎"Tidaklah seorang muslim tertimpa suatu penyakit dan sejenisnya melainkan Allah akan menggugurkan bersamanya dosa-dosanya seperti pohon yang menggugurkan daun-daunnya" (Hadis riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)

Do I look that old... Do I look that young...

2011-02-12T17:30:00.000+08:00

Is it true that the crowd that u hang out with influences your appearance or others' perception on ur age?

Let me explain...

This morning, I had breakfast with a couple of frens, Shima and Sab, at the Grand Blue Wave Shah Alam. We have been doing this for may be more than ten years now I think... "We" means me and a few friends, Sabariah, Shima, Aliza and Radziah... and from time to time adalah some other girl friends yg join... and "this" means having breakfast meet about once a month around Shah Alam, either at a restaurant, hotel or each other's house... And I pun sebenarnya tak lah dapat join every month... in fact I think among us, I lah yg selalu ponteng because I used to work on Saturday, and the breakfast meet is normally done on Saturday... but starting this month the organisation that I work for started a trial 6 months period of having a 2-day weekend off... so, hopefully after this I tak lah selalu ponteng lagi ya Sab and Shima (if u two are reading this now)... :)

Anyway, nak ceritanya, something funny happened today after the meet... when we were paying for the breakfast, the cashier asked us "senior citizens ke?"... We looked at each other speechless at first, not knowing what to say... In my heart... "OMG... do I look that old?" But it was Sab who responded first I think, she asked "50 kira senior citizens ke" because Shima just turned 50 a few days ago... And then the cashier explained, "kalau senior citizens, ada 50% discount" and then he must have felt guilty agaknya.. and said "tak pe lah, I give 50% discount jugaklah pada puan"...

Balik rumah I related the incident to my son, and he said... "gila... mana ada mummy nampak tua mcm tu..." but he laughed anyway...

After that we went Carrefour Shah Alam to buy our weekly supply... and this time the cashier, merely a boy who I think is barely 18, may be waiting for his SPM result, called me "kakak"... hahhahaha.. Muaz looked at me and said "see....." lol...

Hahahha... thus why I asked the question at the beginning of this entry... Sab and Shima... jgn marah, I tak kata u two look old, in fact between the 3 of us, I'm the one yg nampak paling tua I think despite the fact that I'm the youngest, in fact I think, physically I ni memang the oldest sebab I yg paling banyak penyakit... :(

I feel so kelakar, within less than 3 hours, I hv been referred to as a senior citizen (by an adult man) and a kakak (by a boy)... which means I have to hang out more with my kids agaknya... hahaha... "Oh no!!!" I think that would be Mia's and Muaz's response... lol...

To operate or not to operate...

2011-02-11T11:19:00.000+08:00

I get cold sweat just by looking at these photos...

CTS (Carpal Tunnel Syndrome)

2011-02-10T11:36:00.001+08:00

I woke up Sunday morning with such unbearable pain on my left wrist up to fingertips (especially the middle finger) and down to elbow... adoi... felt like current went through my arm... tried to rub minyak angin, minyak urat, minyak serai wangi, minyak cap kapak, minyak geliga, minyak gamat... short of minyak goreng ikan je... satu pun tak effective...

My kids took turn rubbing my hand... MJ too was sympathetic...

I knew something was wrong... that's why I dreaded going to see the dr, but the pain was becoming worse and worse everyday, that I finally drove myself (single-handedly... literally..) to see a dr last Tuesday... and here's the diagnose... Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Hm... redha je lah... God is testing me again... alhamdulillah... because that means He loves me and He knows that I'm able to face it and live with it...

My dr asked me to go for second opinion and to think about going through a surgery to correct it... I have gone for the second opinion and the diagnose is the same... surgery? I have to think some more...

No, this didnt just happen over night... I've had the symptoms (numbness especially in the morning, feels like current going through it secara tiba2 for no reason, twitching...) for quite some time, I think I've had it for the past 2 or 3 years, but I didnt pay attention to it as I wasnt aware about such disease or condition...

But I notice one thing... one never knows one's potential until one is faced with the situation where "one hand can still do"... haha... I can still drive with one hand... I can still type (slower of course) with one hand... I can still wash dishes with one hand,.. I can still cook with one hand... in fact last night I prepared quite an extensive meal for dinner, with Muaz's and Mia's help of course...

Hm... tapi nasib baik juga lah the hand affected is the left one and I am right-handed... but still... dr warned me about chances of my other good hand catching the same condition, primarily because the early symptoms are already present...

Cuppy cakes for Mia on her 14th birthday... 8 Feb 2011...

2011-02-10T11:20:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to you...

Happy birthday to Mia...

Happy birthday to you...

Lunch with kids at secret recipe 23 Jan 2011

2011-01-31T00:37:00.000+08:00

Faces of Nabil...

2011-01-27T11:54:00.000+08:00

mood oh mood... kat mana kau...

2011-01-21T11:46:00.000+08:00

Despite having tons and tons of deadlines to catch up, I really dont feel like doing anything today... tak ada mood langsung... why eh? tah lah...

I wish...

2011-01-18T21:34:00.003+08:00

I wish I had more than 24 hours in a day...

Aqim turned 11...

2011-01-17T23:36:00.004+08:00

Aqim had a very special birthday this year... he turned 11 on 11.1.11... ain't that something...

I bought cupcakes and his daddy bought pizza on his birthday... but we had to postpone the birthday dinner since Amin was not home... we had the dinner on the 15th...

his birthday cupcakes... since he is a "macho boy" he didnt want flowers on his cupcakes... :)

hm... he's too big to sit on mummy's lap now...

We had his birthday dinner at a restaurant at Carrefour Shah Alam (forgot the name of the restaurant though)... first time cuba restaurant tu, not bad, but not too good either...

Mia as usual dgn favourite dish dia, lamb chop or kambing potong... hahaha... "only the two of us know about the kambing joke kan Mia... hahaha... or may be ada a few others kot..." *grin*

MJ and me. Mia took this photo while we were waiting for our food. I only ordered Tuna sandwich and fresh apple juice, yet I got my order last... punya lah slow nya service kat situ...

After the birthday dinner, we proceeded to I-City Shah Alam... I don't really like this place, but since the birthday boy requested that we went there, I had to go along with them. This place is less than 15 minutes away from my house, but it never appealed to me. To me the lights remind me org kg yg tak ada letrik... rasa macam guilty je bermewah2 dgn cahaya berwarna-warni, terang-benderang sedangkan ada org kg tak ada bekalan letrik pun kat rumah, samada sebab rumah jauh sgt dgn tiang letrik atau tak mampu nak bayar bil letrik... *sigh*

Amin suka sangat "buat muka" bila ambik gambar... susah betul nak dpt a good shot of him...

And finally MJ and me... I wore all black that night because we actually didnt plan to go to I-City...

All in all, it was a good outing, walaupun kejap je, we went out after maghrib and came back just after midnite... And the next day, we went to Pasar Tani Mega Shah Alam, near the Shah Alam Stadium for breakfast...

Aqim was very happy because we actually celebrated his birthday from dinner sampailah breakfast... hahaha..

Next birthday will be Mia's in February... we celebrate birthdays almost every month in this household that MJ suggested that we celebrate only twice a year... once in April for those born in January to May and in August for those born in August and September... Of course the kids didnt agree to that... he was outvoted 5 to 1... and to play safe, I took the berkecuali vote... :)

Happy birthday Aqim, as usual, my wish is always the same... may you grow up and be all that you can be... Mummy loves you... :)

When I was just a little girl...

2011-01-10T18:30:00.001+08:00

When I was just a little girl

I asked my mother what will I be..

Will I be pretty, will I be rich...

Here's what she said to me...

*Que sera sera

What ever will be will be

The future's not ours to see

Que sera sera

What will be will be...

When I was just a child in school

I asked my teacher what should I try

Should I paint pictures, should I sing songs

Here's what her wise reply...

Repeat *

When I grew up and fell in love

I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead

Will there be rainbows day after day

Here's what my sweetheart said

Repeat *

What will be will be..... *sigh*

Here are a couple of photos of me when I was a little girl...

Standard 2 - 8 years old...

Standard 4 - 10 years old...

Meeting old friends...

2011-01-10T18:07:00.002+08:00

Primary School Reunion SRK Iskandar Shah Parit Perak 1971-1976
25th December 2010

Convo Dec 2010

2011-01-10T16:05:00.000+08:00

Convocation 20 Dec 2010

JANJI

2010-12-30T08:16:00.000+08:00

KERBAU DIPEGANG PADA TALINYA

MANUSIA DIPEGANG PADA JANJINYA...

Simple... straightforward... tak macam bidalan dan peribahasa lain dalam dunia sastera dan adat melayu, peribahasa yang ini sangat simple, sangat straightforward... tak perlu diterjemah, tak perlu dihurai. Sekali baca dah faham.

Dan itulah yang aku harapkan bila orang berjanji dengan aku - terutamanya kalau orang itu adalah orang yang aku harapkan, orang yang aku anggap penting dalam hidup aku. Sebab kalau tak boleh nak pegang pada janjinya, nak pegang pada apa?

Menunaikan janji adalah ukuran sebuah kejujuran dan keikhlasan... tidak menunaikan janji walau sekecil mana janji itu adalah menandakan ketidak ikhlasan, malah juga sebuah pembohongan. Apatah lagi, jika janji itu adalah sebuah janji yang besar, yang mana pada janji itulah disandarkan sebuah harapan.

Ada yang menganggap perkara ini remeh... kalau remeh kenapa ada hadith Rasulullah mengenainya?

Dari Abu Hurairah RA, bahwasanya Rasulullah SAW bersabda,

“Tanda orang MUNAFIQ ada tiga: bila berbicara, ia berdusta; BILA BERJANJI IA MENGINGKARI dan bila diberi kepercayaan (amanah), ia berkhianat.”

Menidakkan kepentingan menunaikan janji adalah sama dengan mengingkari hadith Rasulullah...

"Ramalan Bintang"

2010-12-28T22:28:00.000+08:00

I came back from work late tonight (about 8pm)... like that is unusual... hah!!!

Anyway... while I was driving, in a slight drizzle, my mind went wondering, like that was unusual too, and I suddenly got a craving for popiah... dont know why... but I was thinking... kat mana nak cari popiah malam malam buta ni... and what was worse is that I have a dr's appointment tomorrow morning. I have been an extremely good girl today, I skipped lunch and had only plain water all day today... just to make sure my blood sugar stays below 8 tomorrow... (oops.. I did have a cup of nescafe 3 in 1 regular at around 3pm... yikes!!)

Aaaah... thank god for pasar malam... so I dialed MJ's no to ask him to go to pasar malam with me... Yup! I'm guilty of talking on the fon (without handsfree) while driving, which I very very very seldom did... that shows how bad my craving was... he told me to wait at home as he would pick me up in his car (I'm not sure if I told him that I was actually driving home from the office when I called him)... when I reached home, he was already waiting in front of my house...

Hm... panjangnya mukaddimah... actually the purpose of me writing this entry tonight is to talk about an old song that I heard on the radio on my way home from the pasar malam...

The title of the song is the same as the title of my entry above... the singers are A. Ramlie and Maria Bachok... and to my own surprise, despite not hearing the song for years I believe, I still could remember most of the lyrics and I was even able to sing along with it...

I tried googling for the song on youtube as soon as finished eating one whole popiah plus a bowl of curry mee... but to no avail... I only found a video of a couple singing (well... trying to sing) that song on youtube... cari lirik pun tak jumpa...

I'm sure I'm gonna be humming that song for days to come...

Here are some of the lyrics as I remember them...

AR: Mengapakah engkau diam wajahmu pun muram...

MB: ku teringat sabda bintang nasib masa depan...

AR: janganlah kau percayakan semua ramalan

MB: da da da da da da da (forgot this line)...

MB: Dalam sabda bintangku kita akan berpisah

disebabkan sengketa atau kerna bencana

hati rasa tak tentu kalau benar berlaku...

tiada tempat mengadu.....

hm... lupa pulak the rest of the lyrics...

Anyway... sesiapa baca blog ni, kalau ada MP3 ke, or come across the song on youtube ke, or know the rest of the lyrics ke... please email to me at aasmahani@gmail.com. I would really appreciate it. :)

Oh... it's almost 10.30pm... dah way over my bedtime... good night... hope that I will dream about my childhood tonight (circa 1970s) when the song was popular... and life was so much easier and I was definitely sooo much happier...

Tripple wedding

2010-12-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

We often hear of double wedding... itu pun org cakap kalau boleh elakkan... sebab nanti org banding2 kan pengantin mana yg lebih cantik, yg mana dapat anak dulu, suami siapa lebih handsome... etc etc etc...

Tripple wedding memang amat jarang kita dengar, in fact I think I have never been to one such wedding, until recently... it actually took place on 11 December 2010 and the wedding is (or is it the weddings are?...) of my cousins... 3 beradik sekali kawin... all girls... Munirah, Nuwairah and Athirah...

These girls are daughters of my auntie who is actually my late father's sister from my grandfather's second wife. My late father is the second son of the first wife... huh! berbelit salasilahnya.... so, nak ceritanya, we are not that close... jumpa pun beberapa tahun sekali.... last jumpa my auntie ni rasanya masa wedding of her first son in December 2004...

Father of the brides are of the very alim type... so no bersanding2... there was even no pelamin... ada cuma satu corner tu ada lah letak 2 teak chairs with a very simple curtain at the back with a big frame of a quranic verse on it... if we can call that pelamin, that would be the simplest pelamin I've ever seen in my whole life...

So, oleh sebab tak ada bersanding, I just requested them to take the following photos with them...

MJ and me and the brides (I just remember the middle one is Munirah, the other 2 are Nuwairah and Athirah, tapi tak ingat which is which... that's how "close" we are... hehe..)

MJ and me and the grooms - nak tau which groom belongs to which bride, just look at the color of their outfit, the blue groom belongs to Munirah, the pink groom belongs to the pink bride and the purple groom is the purple bride's husband... :-) In fact, bilik pengantin was also decorated ikut tema color masing2.... the curtain on the door of each room is according the pengantin's color theme... my auntie said "to make sure pengantin tak tersalah bilik malam ni"... hahaha...

Me and the mother of the brides (my auntie, I call her Acik Leha)

Me and my girl, Mia (she is 13 and already taller than me...)

Semoga ketiga2 pengantin ni hidup bahagia sampai akhir hayat... and you bet next time I see their mother, my first question would be... siapa dpt anak dulu... hehe...

Interesting news on TV3 tonight

2010-12-23T21:50:00.001+08:00

I was watching "house arrest" on HBO tonight... the movie was quite interesting that I almost missed TV3 news... so, as soon as the movie was over (almost 9pm) I quickly flipped the channel to TV3...

And... extremely interesting news was shown...

KAMBING BERANAK ANJING...

yup, u read it right... KAMBING BERANAK ANJING... kambing hitam pulak tu...

hahahaha... how appropriate... hahahaha...

Now I know why.... rupanya all those anak kambing are actually anak anjing...

Read more here: http://www.bharian.com.my/bharian/articles/Anakkambingberwajahanjing/Article

and here's the foto:

Azam baru...

2010-12-13T22:26:00.000+08:00

New year hasnt begun, but I have already decided on my new year resolution, that is...

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending...

Random photos...

On the way back from kampung after Raya Haji... waiting for the kids outside of the ladies' room...

Annual dinner UMW Corporation 23/11/2010

Perfect weekend...

2010-12-05T22:38:00.000+08:00

Weekend is meant for rest... but I very seldom get to do that... being a working mom, weekend is normally for washing and cleaning and dusting and mopping and what ever one thousand and one "ing" more... but not this weekend... not out of plan, it just happened... and I just have to thank my kids and MJ for that...

At first, I was contemplating to go to a wedding on Saturday - wedding of a cousin's son. The invitation was put on facebook (tagged by the groom's auntie). I asked my brother if he was going, and he answered before I even finished my question: "buat apa?" or "for what?"... The question that my brother gave as an answer to my question was because of a long story or rather long history that I dont wish to elaborate here, because the story/history would open many old wounds... and I'm just in such a good mood today that I do not wish to dwell on sad old family history... So, I ended up staying home all day Saturday (after coming back from office of course - yup, I work half day on Saturday)...

Since dah tak jadi pegi kenduri kawin, I thought I would just stay home and just lazing around in front of the TV sampai malam... but tiba2 MJ called and asked to pick him up at the bus stand at around 9pm. He is normally away during weekends and only comes back on Sunday. So, naturally I asked him "mimpi apa balik sini on saturday?" His answer was short "Saja.."...

Anyway... dah MJ balik awal, I suddenly got an idea to bring the kids see a movie... so, that's what we did.. me, MJ and the kids... we managed to catch Rapunzel at the 10pm show...

It was a good movie... and it was a good (short) outing... MJ was like a little boy asking so many questions about the characters in the movie... hahaha... a few times I had to hush him.. well.. for one, rapunzel is a fairy tale that normally little girls read about, while boys are busy playing with guns...

And today, we just spent lazing around in the living room... tido satu hari... best... sampai nak masak pun malas... it was Muaz who prepared lunch today (ayam masak kicap and vegetables)... thanks Muaz... my own chef in black.. hehe..

So... I had a very good rest this weekend (which is very rare)... to prepare for another week (minus Tuesday - public holiday for Maal Hijrah) of kelam kabut at the office.. I just hope that there wont be any bidan terjun job for me to do again this week...

Bisikan hati...

2010-12-04T16:11:00.003+08:00

Tiba2 teringat lagu ni...

Dengarlah bisikan hasrat hati

Yang merindu menjelma kembali

Ingatanku yang telah lalu

Bersama berjanji sehidup semati

Kini tinggal hanyalah kenangan

Dikau hilang di mana gerangan

Tiada berita kudapati

Hanya ingatanku di masa yang lalu

Kasihanlah kepada ku sayang

Tiap hari jua wajahmu terbayang

Ampunkanlah segala dosaku

Seandainya kita tak lagi bertemu

Dengarlah bisikan hasrat hati

Yang merindu menjelma kembali

Ingatanku tetap bersemadi

Walaupun kau kini telah mungkir janji

Another last minute assignment...

2010-12-03T22:27:00.000+08:00

I tend to get more and more of this nowadays...like I have become the official bidan terjun for the faculty... Aduh... letihlah macam ni...

One colleague commented: "sebab u perform jugak walaupun last minute, that's why management pick u..."

Is that really the reason? Serba salah pulak kita... kalau buat keje ala kadar, kena label "sloppy", kalau buat elok2 asyik kena "pick" la pulak... diluah mati mak ditelan mati bapak...

But really... I'm really getting tired of being assigned last minute to do something which sometimes is not something small... like the time I was asked to be in the organising committee for an event launched by a minister... nasib baik the launching went well, kalau tidak, mau putus leher aku kena pancung...

The thing about last minute assignment that pissed me off is that I normally have to set aside something else which is actually my real KPI or tugas hakiki... So, when the deadline of the original KPI is not met, sure kena pulak, the appointment-to-do-the-last-minute-assignment excuse is never accepted. Instead, bad time management is usually blamed...

In some instances, like in today's case, I was told to prepare a presentation to be tabled to the management tomorrow, this morning... And I had a class in the morning, and 3 meetings in the afternoon - all these cannot be canceled or postponed... So, basically I was not given any time to prepare for the presentation. When I commented about it to my immediate boss, she said "u kan otai... kacang je tu..."... aduh...

Letih... letih... but what to do... as one friend puts it "kita ni mentimun, mereka durian, menggolek kita luka, digelek kita luka"... huhu... sob sob...

Oklah, got to go... got to finish the presentation... wish me luck... :))

Facebook...

2010-12-02T18:15:00.000+08:00

To me, like people always say about guns... it is not the gun that kills people, it is the person pulling the trigger...

Even drugs can be used as remedies... like me right now... I'm on drugs (medicine) for my blood pressure and blood sugar problems... as a friend puts it, if you have 1kg of morphine in your pocket during solat, your solat is still sah...

Anyway... FB can be used for many good causes... yet ada juga nak salah guna... agaknya sebab tu la FB is banned in China....

Finally... Just "US"... ahhhhh...

2010-11-26T18:33:00.002+08:00

(This is actually a long overdue post... but what the heck, to me it was just like yesterday... good feelings stay with you forever kan...)

We were separated in raya of previous 2 years for obvious reason/s. This raya was like a "reunion" raya for me and my FIL, MIL and the Pagoh clan...

It was nice, we had red raya just like the previous year... new outfits, but same colour theme.. some people actually asked if we didnt buy new outfits for this year's raya... :)

And I think this was really the first time that we had a chance to celebrate raya just "us", no "outsiders"... I checked photos of our previous rayas, and found that we actually never had raya photos just the 7 of us (or 6 of us, when we were only 6, or 5 of us when we were only 5..... or 3 when we were only 3... got the picture? *wink)... we always had unwanted pelakun tambahan... except this year... and that gave me a real good feeling... :)

On top of that, FIL and MIL were very nice to me, extremely nice I might add...

Ok, here are some photos of just the 7 of us...

The 7 of us plus FIL and MIL

Just "us"...

My body guards... don't mess with me...

MJ and me...

Busy...

2010-11-26T13:45:00.000+08:00

Work has been almost impossible to catch up with... deadline upon deadline upon deadline... overlapping and queing like a row of ants to nowhere...

Oh well... no use complaining... at least I have a job... a good one too... *smile...

So... akhir kata...

Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven't planted. --David Bly

Have a nice weekend everyone!!

Sumpah (not the sumpah org minyak kind...)

2010-11-22T18:50:00.000+08:00

I spent my raya haji recently at my inlaws' house in Johor... as I wrote in my last entry, it was one raya that I will remember for a long time if not foroever...

One of the events that made it memorable is related to the title above...

My MIL and FIL have 11 children, all are married now. And between them I think they have more than 30 grandchildren. Recently they have been blessed with yet another grandaughter, a beautiful Putri something (I forgot her full name - ramai sangat anak sedara, susah nak ingat nama *grin). As usual, adat melayu (and Jawa too, btw, my inlaws are Javanese), masa confinement we would stay with our parents ("we" mean the ladies). So, following the tradition, that was just what my youngest SIL did...

Unfortunately, during the stay, my MIL had an argument (more like a confrontation) with my SIL's husband which resulted in him swearing (bersumpah) to never set his foot in my MIL's house again... Adoi... itu lah orang melayu (Jawa pun sama)... suka sangat bersumpah-sumpah... consequently, during the raya haji recently, when he came he had to stay outside la kan... because he had to honour his sumpah... At first I didnt know about it, so I wondered why he was staying outside while my SIL was with us inside the house... It was another SIL that explained to me... hmm...

Suddenly I remembered another person in the family (one of my MIL's daughter in law) who once also did take the exact same oath (sumpah) some 20 years ago... she also pledged that she would never set her foot in my MIL's house ever again... tapi sekarang selamba badak je pulak keluar masuk rumah orang tua tu sesuka hati dia je... *grin **wink...

That's why orang tua2 selalu pesan... be careful with what you say... terlajak perahu boleh berundur, terlajak kata buruk padahnya... bersumpah-sumpah ni tak baik... kalau muka tak malu boleh lah selamba je jilat balik kata2 sumpahan sendiri... *grin... kalau tidak, kenalah selama hayat dikandung badan menanggung sumpahan yg dilafaz sendiri, samada secara sengaja atau tak sengaja... kan susah tu...

AidilAdha...

2010-11-20T09:37:00.000+08:00

A very memorable AidilAdha indeed...

Inilah kali pertama seumur hidup aku tengok lembu disembelih betul2 depan mata... lembu tu pulaknya jinak, the night before they were to be slaughtered, MJ and the kids boleh main2 lagi dgn 2 ekor lembu tu... they must have known that they were going to do something for a noble cause...

And being a hypertensive patient myself, I shouldnt be eating so much beef... tapi that day, sebab the beef and bone were so fresh, I couldnt help myself... I think I drank up 3 bowls of soup and a couple of plates of rice to go with that... adoi... lepas ni kena go on a strict diet... cant go on giving excuse "ala sekali sekala apa salahnya..." because the sekali sekala has really turned out to be banyak kali banyak kala... *grin...

MJ and his family bought 2 cows for qurban this year... One was for the 7 of us (MJ, me and our 5 kids). And the other one was divided among 7 members of his siblings and parents. Even though this raya was extremely simple raya, (simple means no baju raya, no kuih raya, no visiting relatives), I felt utterly happy and contented...

significance and insignificance

2010-11-16T09:10:00.000+08:00

Life is short, life expectancy in Malaysia is about 74 years, and the age of the earth is estimated to be 4.5 billion years. 74 vs. 4.5 billion years... if you take the ratio, it is 0.00000001644444444444...

That is the fact... life on earth is extremely short, so, make the most of it, by making yourself significant to those who are significant in your life.

However, there are some people who actually think that they are so significant, that everything in this world is about them. Everything everyone says is about them, everything everyone does is related to them and everything that everyone writes is also about them. And in the end, they get stressed up unnecessarily.

Well... life is too short, I just want to be significant to those who are significant to me. I want to be happy with my significant people... and indeed right now I am happy...

Perfect Sunday...

2010-11-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

Even though it was a working Sunday... it was still a PERFECT SUNDAY... In fact it was a perfect weekend for me... Come to think of it last week was really a perfect week for me...

Work was abundant... deadlines were endless, which I managed to meet most of them... oh, one misfortune did happen... I lost a staff on 24 hour notice, but even that somehow did not spoil my mood...

I'm seeing many things with a new perspective now...

working weekend...

2010-11-14T08:50:00.000+08:00

This is a working weekend for me... management retreat to review last financial's business plan and to present next financial year's activities... I'm not complaining, in fact I feel very honoured to be part of the management team of this organisation... though my part is actually very tiny...

The meeting yesterday ended at almost 11pm...

And today's session is about to start... perfect sunday...

Yeay!!

2010-11-13T23:56:00.002+08:00

Yeay!! mission accomplished!!!

hahaha...

2010-11-12T13:12:00.006+08:00

Some people are really over confident... and talk as if they are better than everybody else... and in this particular case that I am refering to, the person is still very young... which I cannot help but to blame the parents for instilling the values in her that cause her to have the annoying attitude that she has... she thinks that she is so pretty (and mind you... she is NOT pretty at all), so clever (yesterday proves that she is actually STUPID, well stupid may be too strong... she's not as smart as she thinks she is la kot... *grin), so rich (sebab family dia penyamun!!!)... OMG so annoying!!!

So, hey girl... if you're reading this... and I know you do follow my blog (you and your idiot sisters and cousins)... I hope that you feel that you are being squashed by the squash zombie!!!

Serve you right you little witch!!! for someone as young as you, you can really be a big bitch!!!

So... the conclusion? I'm happy today... no matter how bad my day turns out today (I mean it can be really bad, because there will be a management retreat starting at 2.30pm today until Sunday, and everyday the schedule is up to 12.00am...yup.. it can be that bad...)... I will be smiling all day and all through the weekend too... :)))

Autumn in Beijing

2010-11-02T15:36:00.005+08:00

My work has brought me to many places here in Malaysia as well as overseas... and last 22-25 Oct 2010, it brought me to China... Tianjin and Beijing to be specific...

I went there to accompany 59 students to complete their final project for their subjects Cross Cultural Management and Global Strategic Management.

(this post is still in draft actually... when i have time i will edit... bz sangat sekarang ni...)

Tianjin-Binhai International Airport

It was autumn in Beijing, thus the panorama along the road on the bus ride from Tianjin to Beijing that took almost 2 hours reminded me so much of my student days in New England, US, in the 1980s... Autumn has always been my favourite season of the year... Cool and soft wind, golden leaves... syahdu...

Bus ride from Tianjin to Beijing took about 2 hours...

Our first stop - Niu Jie (Ox Street) Mosque, to perform Asar (jamak with Zuhr) and Maghrib (jamak with Isya'). When we arrived there it was after 5pm, and the bell (no azan) to announce the Maghrib time rang just as we finished performing Zuhr and Asr... Maghrib time was 5.33pm if I am not mistaken.

Niu Jie Mosque is the oldest and the largest mosque in Beijing, it was built in year 996 during the Liao Dynasty and was rebuilt, expanded and renovated many times after that, the most recent was 15 years ago. The architecture of the mosque is a mixture of both Islamic and Chinese cultures, which is not unexpected at all - the bulding shows strong Chinese influence while the interior is decorated with Islamic decorations and Arabic scriptures/Quranic verses. As I walked from the front gate to the solat hall for women, I felt like I was walking inside an ancient Chinese palace...

Nui Jie literally means Ox Street and according to the our guide, the street was named as such because Muslims mainly eat beef and there are many restaurants and shops in the area selling food made of beef. And these halal shops and restaurants are easy to identify - the colour of the front door or signage is green. The front door or signage for muslim schools are also painted in green.

There are about 200,000 Muslims in Beijing and some 10,000 (ten thousand) of them are residing and working in this area. Total population of Beijing is 16 million, by the way. And total population of China is 1.4 billion... phuh...

The chinese lady on my right (in the photo below) is the care taker of the mosque...

Outside of the solat hall for women...

By that time, our stomachs were beginning to sing some keroncong songs already... the last meal we had was breakfast on Air Asia X... the guide wanted to bring us to watch the famous Beijing Acrobat Show as the show was scheduled to begin at 7.30pm. But the students were so hungry, I had to request from the guide to take us to dinner first.

The Beijing Acrobat Show...

I was informed by the guide, the youngest performer was 5 years old, and the oldest was 19.

The highlight of the tour was on the second day where we scheduled to visit one of the 7 wonders of the world and the only man-made structure that can be seen from space - the Great Wall...

Day 3 - fresh water pearl culture center - Freesky Pearls Beijing.

I have already had a good collection of pearls from Sabah... and I thought that these pearls would not tempt me... hah!! was I wrong... I just couldnt resist those dangling ear rings and sparkling bracelets... oh well... takkan tak beli souvinirs kan... hahaha... nak rationalise konon...

Pasu... pasu and pasu..... sigh....

Food was terrible... nasib baik the trip was only 4 days and 3 nights,

if it were longer than that I think I'd die of hunger...

A beggar on the street - we were warned not to give beggars any money, tapi kesian pulak tengoknya.... Actually I didnt find that many beggar on the street - unlike in India and Indonesia...

At the Herbal Center - where we got a free foot massage...

IBM Beijing...

Bicycle Parking Area next to Carrefour Beijing... the government encourages people to use bicycles, many incentives are offered such as very cheap rental rate (150 yuan a year per bicycle...). Right now there are 4 million cars on the road in Beijing - that's 1 for every person in Beijing...

I didnt buy anything at this Silk Center - even though the price was quite reasonable (in fact cheaper than in Malaysia), the pattern was outdated...

Acrobat Show...

Wangfijing Street - where we bought most of our souvinirs.... but later we found out we could

get cheaper souvinirs at Sony Market.... (cheated by the tourist guide...)

At the Herbal Center - where we got a free foot massage... ahhhh.... nice...

Marco Polo Bridge - at the Longevity Lake (Summer Palace)
The temperature went down to -4 degrees that day...

Summer Palace - where the Dragon Lady liked to spend her summer...

The Birdnest (Olympic Stadium)

With Mr Tomson (owner of Olympic Stadium Gift Shop)

Water Cube

Young Imam Taufiq (Masjid at the Olympic Village... forgot the name of the masjid)

Masjid near the Olympic Village where we did our community service

Last day - before boarding the airplane to fly home...

KU CARI DAMAI DI HATI...

2010-11-02T14:51:00.006+08:00

... And found it in Madinah al Munawwarah and Makkah al Mukarramah... (27 July - 6 August 2010)...

View of masjidil haram and kaabah from the sky... so breathtakingly beautiful and peaceful...

The first time I layed my eyes on the holy kaabah, my heart skipped a few beats... I just stood there with my heart thumping and my blood all gushing to my brain... I almost couldnt believe that I was standing right there right in front of something that many people just got to see on photos and videos only... Syukur alhamdulillah...Aku bersyukur padamu ya Allah kerana memberi rezeki dan kemudahan untukku untuk menjejakkan kakiku ini ke tanah sucimu ini... Amin....

Masjidilharam... no words could describe how I felt the moment I saw this masjid...

Ceiling of masjidilharam... everything about the masjid is so beautiful... every angle, every surface, every facet... everything...

After sa'i... tired but very very very contented...

A walk along the holy masjid after subh... u've got to be there to know and understand the feeling... :)

Masjid Nabawi... cooling even under a hot sun...

Masjid Quba'

Jabal Rahmah

Museum Makkah

Tiang kaabah - in the museum...

Jabal Uhud...

Again...

2010-11-02T14:29:00.000+08:00

Heard this song on the radio today...

Again

I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories came back to me in my
Mind

[CHORUS]
How can I be strong I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again

A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did

I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I've cried
And I never want to return
never fall again

Making love to you
Oh it felt so good and
Oh so right

[CHORUS]
So here we are alone again'
Didn't think it'd come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss

I've come too close to happiness
To have it swept away
Don't think I can take the pain
No never fall again

Kinda late in the game and my heart is in
Your hands
Don't you stand there and then
Tell me you love
Me then leave again
Cause I'm falling in love with
You again

Hold me
Hold me
Don't ever let me go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do
Love you
Again

Mia...

2010-11-01T17:16:00.003+08:00

Mia... is only 13... but has proven herself to be very dependable...

sorry...

2010-10-29T21:51:00.002+08:00

I dont know who I am apologising to... but I just feel that I have to say sorry... why? hm... for neglecting this blog for quite some time...

A lot has happened, I have been overseas twice (Saudi Arabia and China) since my last entry...

I have also been to Kuala Trengganu, Alor Star, Jitra, Seremban, Muar, Seri Iskandar, Ipoh, Batu Gajah...

When I have time I will write about these trips...

Dunia ini ibarat roda Part 2

2010-07-18T11:06:00.006+08:00

Once again... the wheel of life has turned and one of them is pinned under it...

When I was admitted to the hospital, they said padan muka...

Now that one of you is pinned at the hospital bed... how does it feel?

Believe it... dunia ini ibarat roda...

An Old Abandoned Project

2010-07-15T01:50:00.002+08:00

A number of years ago, I have compiled my life experience (a certain aspect of it) and made it into a book and submitted it to a publisher for publication as a fictitious novel, even though the writing was entirely based on my true life experience.

I contemplated the pros and cons before sending the book to a publisher as the story is very personal, and if I were somebody famous the writing could easily be considered as a memoir. My main reservation was due to a fact that may be people who used to be close to me in that certain chapters of my life could easily recognise the storyline and instantly identify the characters in the book, though names have been changed of course.

Not long after I submitted the book I received a positive feedback from the publisher. They liked the book and were confident that it would sell very well as the story was not as typical as many Malay novels found in Malaysian bookstores. However, I was asked to change certain parts, to suit to Malay young readers as they constitute the main market for Malay novels in Malaysia. In addition I was also asked to change the title.

Despite the initial worry that certain readers (if my circle of friends - old friends, some of whom are no longer in contact with me - read Malay novels) may be able to identify me and some other characters in my writing, I was reluctant to alter the certain things that the publisher asked me to change. Hm... sounds rather ironic, but that was the fact. Plus they also me to change the title, since I gave the book an English title even though the book is in Malay.

So... I have been sitting on it for close to 3 years now... The publisher has stopped calling me about a year ago. But tonight suddenly I remembered the abandoned project and started to rewrite the parts that the publisher wanted me to alter... I wonder if the publisher would still be interested after 3 years...

Evil... definitely isi neraka...

2010-06-27T09:47:00.000+08:00

http://www.hmetro.com.my/myMetro/articles/Isterituagunasihir/myMA/myArticle

NEVER SAY I LOVE YOU..

2010-06-26T18:54:00.000+08:00

Never say I Love You
If You Really Dont Care...

Never Talk About Feelings
If they aren't really there...

Never hold my hand
If you are going to break my heart...

Never say you are going to
If you don't plan to start...

Never look into my eyes
If all you do is lie...

Never say hello
If you really mean good bye
If you really mean forever
Then say you will try...

Never say forever
Cause forever makes me cry...

Author: Unknown

Forgive ur enemies?

2010-06-16T22:53:00.005+08:00

Oscar Wilde said Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much...

Really? Forgive my enemies? Forgive them? Forgive the ungrateful arrogant parasites? I have one word to sum up my answer... as Nanny Fine put it... it starts with an N and ends with an A..

NEVA!!!!!

To me, as for now... giving back what they deserve gives much much sweeter satisfaction...

So sweet... I can almost taste it...

So sweet... I can almost feel my blood sugar rising...

So satisfying... I definitely sleep better at night now...

So satisfying... my kids say I even smile in my sleep now...

A day trip to Kota Tinggi and Desaru...

2010-06-13T09:19:00.009+08:00

I had to go on a day trip Kota Tinggi to pay a supervisory visit to a student on internship yesterday, Even though it was only a day trip, I managed to mix business with pleasure...

It was my first time to the east side of Johor, and as usual, when i had to go on a business trip to a place that me and the kids have not been before, I'd take my kids along... It was a looooong journey - almost 8 hours to go there, including 3 stops that we made a long the way - to have breakfast at Dengkil Rest Area, to pick up their daddy at his other house in Muar and to perform solat zohor/asar at Masjid Jamek Kota Tinggi... and of course some sesat time looking for the place which was further up towards Desaru...

We left Shah Alam at 7.20am and we only reached the place where the student works at 3.30pm!!

And since we were so close to Desaru, about 30 km away, we decided to go to the beach... It was breathtaking... the kids wanted to stay overnight, but I just had to disappoint them - we needed to go back home on the same day as our home is under extensive renovation, takut pencuri masuk ikut lubang2 yg masih belum ditampal...

We left Desaru just as the sun was setting... since we were heading west we were literally driving to the sunset... another breathtaking view (but no pics, the camera ran out of battery). I just captured the view with my mind...

On the way back, we stopped by Pagoh to visit FIL and MIL. They tried to persuade us to stay overnight, but we just coudnt... may be next time...

We reached home at almost 2am, just in time for England vs. US...

Here are the photos that we took for kenang-kenangan...

4 mermen and a mermaid.... my mermen and mermaid...

My 2 body guards... with these 2 around, noone would dare to mess with me... their promise literally...

Konon macho la tu...

This girl pantang berdiri depan camera...

Nabil-sometimes he can really be dramatic, and he has a good voice too, I wonder if I should send him to vocal lessons so that he can be the next Shahir.. hehe..

Dia ambik gambar orang, orang ambik gambar dia...

And of coz... some special poses of mummy and daddy...

Al-fatihah...

2010-05-28T23:14:00.005+08:00

I received a sad news about an hour ago... a dear old friend died in her sleep this morning...

I was, in fact we (possibly all her friends) were really taken by surprise. Mainly because she was always known to be fit and healthy. One would never have guessed her age - she was going to be 50 end of this year, but those who didnt know that would surely have guessed that she was only 40. In fact, if she was siting next to me, people would say that she was younger than me..

The news of her death was told to me by one of her daughters in a text message. I didnt recognise her no, the nice girl took an effort to send text to all nos in her dear mom's phone book in her mobile phone. It read "Ibu saya, Zubaidah meninggal di dalam tidur pagi tadi dan telah selamat dikebumikan selepas zohor hari ini".

I immediately called her to offer my condolences. She told me that her mother only had a fever since 2 days ago, and she did see a dr who only prescribed PCM. To her knowledge, her mom never suffered any chronic illnesses like diabetes or hypertension which are common among Malaysians over 40.

That is why I said the news took me by surprise. I'm sure if I go today, people would not be surprised at all, as I have always been in and out of hospitals, especially in the past few years. In fact I remember, when I was admitted for an operation about 2 months ago, certain people were already calling me "nenek kebayan" and warning me about dying and about my preparation for death...

Hm... that's one thing about ajal, as Allah promises it... bila sampai ajal kamu, ia tidak akan dicepatkan atau dilambatkan walau sesaat... noone knows it when his/her time would come. Like last year... a neighbour passed away - the wife had been suffering from breast cancer and was in and out of hospitals for chemotherapy, when suddenly the husband passed away choking on biscuit while having tea. When I saw many people at her house that evening, I assumed that it was the wife that had died, but was very surprised to find out that it was not her, but the husband.

Anyway... back to my friend... Al-fatihah for Arwah Zubaidah and may she be placed among the shuhada and solihiin...

And to her 3 lovely daughters, I hope that they will be strong facing this difficult time...

makeover...

2010-05-23T19:11:00.003+08:00

Went for a makeover today, and this is the result...

Two-Face Tray...

2010-05-16T21:32:00.003+08:00

Talam dua muka

Menggunting dalam lipatan

Telunjuk lurus kelingking berkait

Api dalam sekam

Duri dalam daging

There are at least five (5 that I know, there could be more...) Malay proverbs describing dishonesty...

Last week, I found out about someone in the office who I would never have thought would be a "two-face tray"... di depan bukan main memuji2 dan menyokong all my decisions, tapi di belakang she couldnt seem to stop complaining about me.

My boss called for a meeting last week, and I could not attend it as I had to attend another meeting. I was told by someone who attended that same meeting, that she was dominating the meeting talking all sorts of bad things/decisions that I had allegedly done. Kalau betul tak pe...

It got me to thinking... what was her motive... pelik... and what made me even more upset is the fact that I would never have thought that she would do such a thing. She has been quite cooperative to all tasks that I assigned her, she never showed any animosity towards me... in fact I always treated her like a friend, not merely a staff in the office where I am the HOD. I thought we were that "close" as she did once tumpang my office to pump her milk. She sometimes just came into my office in a hot day (as the aircond in my office is cooler than the ones in the general office). Kalau tak kawan, boleh ke buat macam tu... tapi kalau kawan kenapa dia buat apa yg dia buat...

I am not worried about what she said, because I can always back myself up with data and facts - all that she said werent true. What got into me is, why she did what she did? If she wants my post, go ahead and ask from the VP, I would gladly pass the job to her. In fact, if the menagement agrees to it, I would be indeed very happy as that would give me a chance to concentrate on my PhD...

Of all the people in the office, I am really surprised that she turned out to be the gunting in my lipatan, the kelingking yang berkait, the api in my sekam, the duri in my daging...

Are things back to normal?

2010-05-15T23:44:00.001+08:00

Define normal...